Delight Is A Learnable Skill

a meditation on seeing and being seen

my Chucky doll

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COMING SOON FOR PAID SUBSCRIBERS: I have an in-depth review of JD Vance’s new book about his return to Catholicism and a similarly in-depth review of Elliot Page’s book about her transition. These will be paywalled because I need to make some debt progress this summer to keep my momentum high. So if either of those interest you, today is a good day to sign up. Here’s a coupon to bring the price of an annual subscription under $50.

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One of the weirdest side effects of having had a difficult time of it lately is that I’ve become fascinated by both the experience and the idea of delight.

Not happiness. Delight.

I think Aristotle got it right about happiness; it’s the end result of effort and mostly about purpose, meaning, and virtue. And that makes happiness almost impossible sometimes, as during my recent PTSD episode.

But delight is still on the table when happiness flees, because it arrives, for me anyway, as a very personalized alignment of mindfulness and joy. Delight is intensely specific. It's the feeling of encountering, and fully experiencing, something that seems almost absurdly, improbably meant for you — a moment, object, word, or gesture that makes you stop, smile, and think, "How wonderful that this exists."

My most recent experience of ongoing delight only requires me to walk into my living room (which doubles as my art studio). Two special things now live there. I have a summer birthday, and my two favorite people gave me a Chucky doll — Chucky, from the Child’s Play horror movie franchise, which I absolutely love — and a signed copy of an edition of my favorite novel that I didn’t even know existed.

They bring me such delight that I grin like a little kid every time I look at them, but that’s only partly about the objects themselves.

Mostly it’s about the fact that Child’s Play is a horror franchise my friend doesn’t particularly love and A Prayer for Owen Meany is a novel my other friend hasn’t even read. But they noticed how much these things mean to me, and that made me feel like I actually matter to them.

Well-chosen gifts are a unique way to experience delight on both ends — receiving them but even more in giving them.

By choosing and buying, yes, but also making them. And not just through art. I've helped several people come up with homemade gifts costing anywhere from nothing to about ten dollars (one example is repeated at the end of this post). And I have a long post with some other tips here.

I wanted to make something for Josh Slocum, who played patriarch and came charging to my rescue — like a hero in a Western movie — twice…during the recent events. He loves kerosene lamps, on which he is an expert. And he is the kind of friend with whom I feel safe taking artistic risks, so I spent several delightful hours last night working on this for him — a stained glass kerosene lamp.¹

Not bad for a first attempt, and most importantly I learned a great deal. My next one will be better.²

How to Manufacture Delight

Yesterday, I finished my Christmas shopping, including paying in advance at the framing shop for the people who will be getting special drawings.

Yes, it’s July. Yes, I am that person.

I got a few things for somewhere between half and two-thirds of what they’ll cost in November and December, which made me think about all of you. Part of my motivation for writing is sharing my own delight, and this is the time to shop to get the good deals.

But you can only do that if you know what you’re looking for.

So the comments are open for paid subscribers, and I will be available for helping you choose gifts, a sort of practicum in the ideas laid out in my “how to” post.

Tell me about the person and the occasion. Relationship, budget, favorite colors, favorite books, movies, restaurants, hobbies, podcasts, or whatever else you’ve got.

Let’s spread some delight!

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Box of Gratitude: An Inexpensive, Special Gift

Get a shoebox-sized box, or slightly bigger if you can find a nice one with a lid. The Walmart art supplies aisle usually has these for a few dollars.

Decorate it if you wish, with stickers or just by writing the person’s name in a colored marker.

Choose a few small, inexpensive items that represent a quality in the person that you admire. For example, if you appreciate that your father is handy and can fix anything, a roll of Duck Tape³ or a tape measure might work. Perhaps your little brother has always had an affinity for ducks, or your best friend has mentioned wistfully that she wanted to be an astronaut when she was a girl. A small duck or rocketship would work perfectly there.

Your local art supply/craft store will have a section devoted to miniatures, which is a great place to find these things for very little money.

A few of these items, with a handwritten letter explaining their significance, is a beautiful and significant gift.

Depending on the items chosen, this one can be done for under $10 — possibly zero dollars, if you already own a box and small items that will represent what you appreciate about the recipient.

1. If someone you know is an artist, you can’t do better than one of J. Daniel Sawyer’s drawing boards as a gift! Order them here.

2. If you’d like to commission one, feel free to ask! vtwriterartist at gmail dot com.

3. Yes, I know that there is such a thing as “duct tape,” but I was familiar with the Duck Tape brand for years before I knew this, so I say duck tape. Live with it.