How to Do A Great Job Choosing Gifts
some tips (including budget ones)
The budget tips are outside the paywall, the rest behind it.
Housekeeping: comments are open for paid subscribers. If you want to participate but can’t afford a paid subscription, email hollymathnerd at gmail for a freebie. Thank you!
Gifting Has An Ancient History
The DarkHorse podcast did a great episode on holidays gifts, with a really interesting segment on gifts in various cultures. Check it out!
Gifts As An Expression of Love
There is a self-help paradigm called “The 5 Languages of Love.” They have an online test and a variety of books on the topic. It posits that most people have one or two ways that they feel loved most directly and effectively. The languages are Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Receiving Gifts.
This paradigm has a lot of explanatory power. We’ve all known couples, or other relationships, for whom a mismatch of this paradigm explains a lot.
He thinks he’s a wonderful husband because he goes all out for her birthday, Christmas, and their anniversary, with random flowers-for-no-reason throughout the year, when what she desperately wants is more help with the housework or kids. (Receiving Gifts vs Acts of Service.)
She tells him she loves him by keeping a pristine house, making his lunch, and packing his bag for golf Saturdays, when he’d vastly prefer to hear compliments or just hang out with her a little more often. (Acts of Service vs Words of Affirmation or Quality Time.)
Susan thinks she’s a great roommate because she picks up after herself religiously and is always available to give rides; her roommate Allison thinks that Susan is cold and unfriendly because she doesn’t share meals or join movie nights. (Acts of Service vs Quality Time.)
In my view, the 5 love languages is more helpful and accurate than many self-help paradigms. For most of the people I know well, I think I can identify what makes them feel loved most effectively. And it certainly applies in my case—Physical Touch is mine, but Words of Affirmation are a close second. For someone who lives alone, hugs are a rare treat, but my memories of people I love and respect saying, “I’m proud of you” are etched into my soul.
If anyone important to you has Receiving Gifts as a love language, or if you are in a situation similar to mine and most of the people you love live far away, shopping for gifts can be an important exercise in strengthening bonds—an “I love you and you matter to me” from a distance, brought to them by the United States Postal Service. I got pretty good at choosing gifts through a series of events I’ll write about someday, so here are some tips.
Low Budget Ideas
BOX OF GRATITUDE: get a shoebox-sized box, or slightly bigger if you can find a nice one with a lid. The Walmart art supplies aisle usually has these for a few dollars. Decorate it if you wish, with stickers or just by writing the person’s name in a colored marker. Choose a few small, inexpensive items that represent a quality in the person that you admire. For example, if you appreciate that your father is handy and can fix anything, a roll of Duck Tape or a tape measure might work. Perhaps your little brother has always had an affinity for ducks, or your best friend has mentioned wistfully that she wanted to be an astronaut when she was a girl. A small duck or rocketship come to mind there. Your local art supply/craft store will have a section devoted to miniatures, which is a great place to find these things for very little money. A few of these items, with a handwritten letter explaining their significance, is a beautiful and significant gift. Depending on the items chosen, this one can be done for under $10 — possibly zero dollars, if you already own a box and small items that will represent what you appreciate about the recipient.
CALENDARS: there are page-a-day desk calendars and wall calendars on almost every topic and for almost every television show, movie franchise, and theme imaginable (animals, comic strips, lighthouses, quotes, books, music…). These are typically under $20 and are really nice gifts if you choose the topic well, since the recipient will enjoy something that they’re interested in and care about every single day in the new year. Bookstores generally stock these during December in great abundance.
COUPON BOOK: this is ideal for someone whose love language is Quality Time, but also good for anyone whose company you genuinely enjoy. You can download coupon templates by doing a google image search, or make them yourself out of index cards or cardstock from the art supply store. Decorate with stickers or not at all. Make a few coupons for things the recipient will enjoy or appreciate. 3 hours of babysitting for a single parent friend, going out to dinner for almost anyone, or a random favor for a friend who you know struggles to ask for needed help. If the recipient has ever wished they knew something you know, a coupon for a lesson is a great idea. A coupon for a drawing lesson that I gave someone for Christmas in 2016 turned into a lovely friendship that lasted most of college.
PLAYLIST: this one only requires time. Make a private YouTube playlist on a topic of interest to the recipient. The commercials of a shared childhood are likely on YouTube, along with music, lectures on topics of interest, historical news segments on events with which you have a shared memory.