We don’t have Thanksgiving in NZ but your post made me wish we did. Your clear eyed unflinching remarks about your childhood make me want to give you a hug. Grandmotherly. A lovely piece of writing. I’m grateful. Thank you.
It is always encouraging to read about times of extra-horizonation, such as where one struggles up the barrier dune at an unfamiliar beach to be greeted at the top with a sweeping vista of a massive bay; or when driving in the mountains and a narrow pass falls away to reveal a broad valley. (I suppose that says more about my psychology than yours, since, after thinking about it, I can imagine someone recoiling from the sudden openness. Still, I hope the sense of light-hearted optimism comes through.) I hope you write about the differences between drawing with charcoal and with pencil.
I will include your new job and your progress in the things that I am thankful for in my nighttime prayer. Have no idea whether that is positive support for you or not, but always finding something to be thankful for as each day ends is very positive therapeutically for me. Best wishes for your continued progress.
Last Monday I attended a charity gala for an organization started a few years ago by a friend and truly amazing woman, Darcy Olson. It is the Center for the Rights of Abused Children. It was created after her initial experience with the foster care system, as you may be aware, often a procedural nightmare where the “rights” of the children involved are totally subservient to the ideas of even the best meaning bureaucrats and judges, who unfortunately are outnumbered by the pretty tyrants or clueless functionaries. Darcy has made incredible in improving the system strides in improving the system and obtaining recognition for the legal rights of the kids involved. Her efforts have drawn nationwide recognition since the founding of the Center in AZ, and both a description of their work and some case studies are on their website if any of your readers are interested. She herself has fostered 10 children and adopted 4 , the oldest girl ( a 7th grader) spoke at the event and the attendees were incredibly impressed. She followed several other speakers, including the wonderfully blunt and very insightful Tyrus, whose childhood story and foster care experience ( of which I was totally unaware) make his current achievements even more impressive.
I mention this because in addition to being a cause that is worth supporting. If any of your Substack readers are aware of foster or abused children ( such as the one mentioned in this Substack posting) the Center now has a presence in many states and many lawyers who work pro bono or if their expenses are covers and may be either able to provide an introduction to those children in need or alternatively at least inform them of their rights and help put them in touch with an organization who could support them.
Again, best wishes in your continued journey from someone who in the early years of my life was both a math nerd and a bookworm, and while I left the actuarial profession at age 26 after my midlife crisis ( now 82 and very blessed and still continuing to learn and improve) I am still much more comfortable when alone or with small groups of good friends who indulge those tendencies.
Thank you for sharing your gratitude list. Thank you for sharing your experience with healing from trauma. I hope to find a great therapist in the future who I can do trauma work of my own with. Last, thank you for your encouraging example of learning how to draw. I‘ve got to stop buying art supplies and use them. Happy Thanksgiving! 🙏🍁
Love this post and all your work !!! Your teddy bear is adorable. I have a small jungle of stuffed animals. What you wrote about self monitoring is so helpful. I realize that I’ve been in the business of trying to “fix” myself and others trying to “fix” me for so long that much of my life became about performing getting better. I had a very late onset substance use disorder combined with severe trauma and went from being little miss perfect to weeks of being paralyzed with anxiety, agoraphobia and alcohol use in my forties. My parents sent me to rehab which made me worse though I looked better for awhile. I still struggle and have limitations that many look down on me for. Travel is very hard on me as my cat is my emotional support and she doesn’t travel. I need enough sleep, I can’t overwork (I worked 60-100 hours a week in my twenties and thirties) and working full time has been hard because sometimes I really need a day off to take care myself f myself before it turns into a week or more of inability to move. The canned solutions didn’t work or made things worse - AA, medication. I have a hilariously long list of bad reactions to psych meds and doing the Steps of AA made me almost suicidal. Getting any better has required active effort not to “perform” getting better in order to reassure others or myself. I’m at my father’s now for the holiday and he is dying. The years of trying to be good enough or to redeem myself for my sins (which is how I thought of my illness) are coming to an end. I want to just live life instead of checking boxes to prove that I am “better” “recovering” “getting help” “working a program.” No more ladder to some imaginary salvation. Just being okay with my cat and my mom and the time I have left. Pictures of flowers. No more punching the wellness time card. The pursuit of recovery made recovery impossible. To each their own and I tell no one how to do anything. I even enjoy some of the fellowships sometime. But the false narrative of going from bad to good, sick to “recovering,” and defining success by being on a path that I stopped even wanting has to be over. I don’t drink. I don’t let other people make me their project anymore. Your blog really helps me Holly. In so many ways. Too many to enumerate. Have a good Thanksgiving and love to your bear from my bunny octopus and six stuffed cats plus a sloth, Christmas Cthulhu and a few work out stuffed animals I rescued from the street.
So life being what it is this is the first post of yours I have read in full in awhile….I am so glad I did…thank you for sharing your thoughts, your writing uplifts me in subtle, yet effective ways. From a Canadian, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving. I am very grateful for your willingness to be open and vulnerable here, and I really appreciate you sharing the rise and fall of your daily victories.
Without oversharing, I come from a similar background (ACE score of 9) and have faced challenges of my own throughout my life. Your posts always bring me joy and, most importantly, make me think.
Wishing you and all your readers a bountiful Thanksgiving filled with gratitude for all that makes our lives worth living, whatever that may be. For me it's my harmonious family, whose political differences don't stand in the way of our love and closeness; for all the lessons I've learned, over a long life of successes and mistakes; for you, Holly, and Josh and the wisdom you've attained from standing up to the challenges that would conquer many and sharing them with us.
I have so much for which to be thankful, I can't begin to list everything, but most of all I am grateful for my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
I’m so happy to learn that you have conquered that monster sleep problem. It would be nice if I could believe that all your sleep problems are over and done with. But I am not that optimistic.
My sleep problems are also lifelong. Thanks to my Alexithymia I am not always aware of how severe my problems are until I find myself falling asleep behind the wheel while driving to work. Or I may be hit with a massive wave of fatigue some time in the middle of the day, even after having ingested 4 or 5 cups of coffee.
There is the additional problem of me not attempting to calculate how much social interactions and job stress affects my energy level.
But, to end on a positive note, it makes me happy to see that you are achieving positive results in your life.
I'm grateful for you and your insightful posts. Thank you for sharing them. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!
P.s. also glad you learned about TDD it is the bomb! ;)
It IS. It's *amazing*. I love it. And thanks for reading!
We don’t have Thanksgiving in NZ but your post made me wish we did. Your clear eyed unflinching remarks about your childhood make me want to give you a hug. Grandmotherly. A lovely piece of writing. I’m grateful. Thank you.
👍
It is always encouraging to read about times of extra-horizonation, such as where one struggles up the barrier dune at an unfamiliar beach to be greeted at the top with a sweeping vista of a massive bay; or when driving in the mountains and a narrow pass falls away to reveal a broad valley. (I suppose that says more about my psychology than yours, since, after thinking about it, I can imagine someone recoiling from the sudden openness. Still, I hope the sense of light-hearted optimism comes through.) I hope you write about the differences between drawing with charcoal and with pencil.
I will include your new job and your progress in the things that I am thankful for in my nighttime prayer. Have no idea whether that is positive support for you or not, but always finding something to be thankful for as each day ends is very positive therapeutically for me. Best wishes for your continued progress.
Last Monday I attended a charity gala for an organization started a few years ago by a friend and truly amazing woman, Darcy Olson. It is the Center for the Rights of Abused Children. It was created after her initial experience with the foster care system, as you may be aware, often a procedural nightmare where the “rights” of the children involved are totally subservient to the ideas of even the best meaning bureaucrats and judges, who unfortunately are outnumbered by the pretty tyrants or clueless functionaries. Darcy has made incredible in improving the system strides in improving the system and obtaining recognition for the legal rights of the kids involved. Her efforts have drawn nationwide recognition since the founding of the Center in AZ, and both a description of their work and some case studies are on their website if any of your readers are interested. She herself has fostered 10 children and adopted 4 , the oldest girl ( a 7th grader) spoke at the event and the attendees were incredibly impressed. She followed several other speakers, including the wonderfully blunt and very insightful Tyrus, whose childhood story and foster care experience ( of which I was totally unaware) make his current achievements even more impressive.
I mention this because in addition to being a cause that is worth supporting. If any of your Substack readers are aware of foster or abused children ( such as the one mentioned in this Substack posting) the Center now has a presence in many states and many lawyers who work pro bono or if their expenses are covers and may be either able to provide an introduction to those children in need or alternatively at least inform them of their rights and help put them in touch with an organization who could support them.
Again, best wishes in your continued journey from someone who in the early years of my life was both a math nerd and a bookworm, and while I left the actuarial profession at age 26 after my midlife crisis ( now 82 and very blessed and still continuing to learn and improve) I am still much more comfortable when alone or with small groups of good friends who indulge those tendencies.
Thank you for sharing your gratitude list. Thank you for sharing your experience with healing from trauma. I hope to find a great therapist in the future who I can do trauma work of my own with. Last, thank you for your encouraging example of learning how to draw. I‘ve got to stop buying art supplies and use them. Happy Thanksgiving! 🙏🍁
Love this post and all your work !!! Your teddy bear is adorable. I have a small jungle of stuffed animals. What you wrote about self monitoring is so helpful. I realize that I’ve been in the business of trying to “fix” myself and others trying to “fix” me for so long that much of my life became about performing getting better. I had a very late onset substance use disorder combined with severe trauma and went from being little miss perfect to weeks of being paralyzed with anxiety, agoraphobia and alcohol use in my forties. My parents sent me to rehab which made me worse though I looked better for awhile. I still struggle and have limitations that many look down on me for. Travel is very hard on me as my cat is my emotional support and she doesn’t travel. I need enough sleep, I can’t overwork (I worked 60-100 hours a week in my twenties and thirties) and working full time has been hard because sometimes I really need a day off to take care myself f myself before it turns into a week or more of inability to move. The canned solutions didn’t work or made things worse - AA, medication. I have a hilariously long list of bad reactions to psych meds and doing the Steps of AA made me almost suicidal. Getting any better has required active effort not to “perform” getting better in order to reassure others or myself. I’m at my father’s now for the holiday and he is dying. The years of trying to be good enough or to redeem myself for my sins (which is how I thought of my illness) are coming to an end. I want to just live life instead of checking boxes to prove that I am “better” “recovering” “getting help” “working a program.” No more ladder to some imaginary salvation. Just being okay with my cat and my mom and the time I have left. Pictures of flowers. No more punching the wellness time card. The pursuit of recovery made recovery impossible. To each their own and I tell no one how to do anything. I even enjoy some of the fellowships sometime. But the false narrative of going from bad to good, sick to “recovering,” and defining success by being on a path that I stopped even wanting has to be over. I don’t drink. I don’t let other people make me their project anymore. Your blog really helps me Holly. In so many ways. Too many to enumerate. Have a good Thanksgiving and love to your bear from my bunny octopus and six stuffed cats plus a sloth, Christmas Cthulhu and a few work out stuffed animals I rescued from the street.
So life being what it is this is the first post of yours I have read in full in awhile….I am so glad I did…thank you for sharing your thoughts, your writing uplifts me in subtle, yet effective ways. From a Canadian, have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Holly,
Happy Thanksgiving. I am very grateful for your willingness to be open and vulnerable here, and I really appreciate you sharing the rise and fall of your daily victories.
Without oversharing, I come from a similar background (ACE score of 9) and have faced challenges of my own throughout my life. Your posts always bring me joy and, most importantly, make me think.
Thank you.
❤️❤️❤️
Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you for your insightful writing.
Wishing you and all your readers a bountiful Thanksgiving filled with gratitude for all that makes our lives worth living, whatever that may be. For me it's my harmonious family, whose political differences don't stand in the way of our love and closeness; for all the lessons I've learned, over a long life of successes and mistakes; for you, Holly, and Josh and the wisdom you've attained from standing up to the challenges that would conquer many and sharing them with us.
I have so much for which to be thankful, I can't begin to list everything, but most of all I am grateful for my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Happy Thanksgiving.
The depth of honesty and clarity you write with is beautiful..thank you for sharing
Happy Thanks Giving
Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving to you too!
I’m so happy to learn that you have conquered that monster sleep problem. It would be nice if I could believe that all your sleep problems are over and done with. But I am not that optimistic.
My sleep problems are also lifelong. Thanks to my Alexithymia I am not always aware of how severe my problems are until I find myself falling asleep behind the wheel while driving to work. Or I may be hit with a massive wave of fatigue some time in the middle of the day, even after having ingested 4 or 5 cups of coffee.
There is the additional problem of me not attempting to calculate how much social interactions and job stress affects my energy level.
But, to end on a positive note, it makes me happy to see that you are achieving positive results in your life.
This is Sofa King great, Holly.
Your writing (which, even in the ancient, Twitter-thread days, was always solid) has gotten more… uh, More.
More authentic horsepower and more technical efficiency. It just gets smoother and smoother to read.
🥹 Thank you! Made my morning.
Hey, thanks!
Congratulations on your entry into the world of TDD! It really makes coding easier (and more fun), doesn't it?
OMG it *totally* does.