This is very good, and timely (I'm partway through a piece on suicide loss I'm writing for another author as someone who worked in prevention). I also trained as a journalist, before I realised halfway through that ethically I wasn't going to be able to do the job and sleep well at night. I remember learning about suicide coverage - that almost *any* publicity would cause a spike in numbers - but the argument was always that "those people were probably going to die anyway", that the spike observed would otherwise be the same number spread out over time. I never believed it.
One thing I would gently question (I am not saying it is wrong, at all, just adding an additional perspective) is the part about "communicating quite clearly that life, including for the people who let the dead person down, goes on without them". In my experience, there's a tricky tension to hold between not putting too much emotional weighting on the impact (what could be called glorifying or romanticising suicide) and the thing a suicidal brain can do where it convinces the person "my family will be sad, but they'll be fine in the end". Which isn't exactly true either.
Sadly, I am in the same "club" as you. Life has gone on, and at the same time I will never be the same person again as I was before the loss.
This is a good point. Men are more likely to die by suicide motivated from anger, so I emphasized not airing the perspective of correctly arranging for "they’ll be sorry,” mostly because I was thinking of men. The idea that gun suicides (nearly all men) are getting revenge on the cleanup crew was shared with me by a male therapist, and it makes sense to me. (Not that women aren’t ever motivated by a desire to punish, but women often subconsciously or consciously plan to survive attempts.)
Also, that argument is complete horse shit. Your instincts were right. I almost wrote about the Netflix show "13 reasons why," but the unnecessary deaths they caused by the irresponsible mess they made there infuriates me to the point that every draft was just a rant.
Ah right, that reasoning makes sense. Where I live guns are pretty rare, so there's less ability for someone in pain and rage to access violent means really quickly which will definitely have an impact on the dynamics involved.
Oh, that show. That frigging show. That scene. I mean, there's almost no point writing about it, because what do you even say about people who thought it was OK to make it and show to people? I had two clients attempt after watching.
"You don’t want your morality to be reasonably compared to that of a journalist, do you?"
I Am a journalist (BJ 1969), but I get your point. I hadn't realized that there was such a spike after the coverage of Robin Williams' suicide. Journalism as a profession has been going down steeply the past few years.
I suppose I am fortunate, or blessed, to never, ever having had even a glimmer of a thought of suicide. Life is just too precious to me. As a Christian most of my life, I'm looking forward to the next world but I'm content to let God make that decision as to when.
I will keep your message in mind if or when the subject of suicide comes up. I do weigh my thoughts carefully when commenting, and edit before hitting Post.
Useful and simple tips to keep in mind. I have never contemplated writing about suicide because I've been blessed in this life to know only one suicide and that was marginally, and I pray it stays that way. Thank you though.
If you have the leverage, make fighting it out and surviving feel more heroic/honorable to them than giving up.
Some men--not all, but a not-insignificant portion--really key into heroism. Envisioning beating the depression/suicidality as the heroic option can add a lot of reserve strength and determination to the mix.
Our society needs to get back to treating each person with respect, as a unique individual. People who feel seen and respected are less likely to go down the dark path of wanting to die. Be kind and respectful - you never know who really needs that today!
Well done. As you know, I'm one of the more skeptical about the public urgings to say this, and not say this, in covering suicides. This was convincing, rational, and not preachy. It didn't put all the responsibility for someone killing themselves on the notional reader/publisher/commenter (that's what gets my dander up).
I long ago switched off the outside world and people in my locale with only bots open to essayists and heroes like Holly Mathnerd. Like Robin Williams, I refuse to waste away and subject anyone to care for a useless meatsack. My suicide ideation definitive plan is calmer and will leave my body untouched externally. My loved ones are good with it so I care not what others opine. They lost that chance with they killed off the last strand of human decency, Saturday Morning Cartoons. Look at the collective horrors Americans have faced since the cartoons disappeared nationwide on Saturday mornings.
This is a great article Holly, but something else that needs to be discussed is how anti-depressant meds can create or exacerbate suicidal thoughts.
The Sister Wives family seems like a good stable family, even despite Kody's emergent narcissicism. I would bet money that his distressed son was also on mental meds at the time, thus clogging and fogging his thinking and moral judgments.
This is very good, and timely (I'm partway through a piece on suicide loss I'm writing for another author as someone who worked in prevention). I also trained as a journalist, before I realised halfway through that ethically I wasn't going to be able to do the job and sleep well at night. I remember learning about suicide coverage - that almost *any* publicity would cause a spike in numbers - but the argument was always that "those people were probably going to die anyway", that the spike observed would otherwise be the same number spread out over time. I never believed it.
One thing I would gently question (I am not saying it is wrong, at all, just adding an additional perspective) is the part about "communicating quite clearly that life, including for the people who let the dead person down, goes on without them". In my experience, there's a tricky tension to hold between not putting too much emotional weighting on the impact (what could be called glorifying or romanticising suicide) and the thing a suicidal brain can do where it convinces the person "my family will be sad, but they'll be fine in the end". Which isn't exactly true either.
Sadly, I am in the same "club" as you. Life has gone on, and at the same time I will never be the same person again as I was before the loss.
This is a good point. Men are more likely to die by suicide motivated from anger, so I emphasized not airing the perspective of correctly arranging for "they’ll be sorry,” mostly because I was thinking of men. The idea that gun suicides (nearly all men) are getting revenge on the cleanup crew was shared with me by a male therapist, and it makes sense to me. (Not that women aren’t ever motivated by a desire to punish, but women often subconsciously or consciously plan to survive attempts.)
Also, that argument is complete horse shit. Your instincts were right. I almost wrote about the Netflix show "13 reasons why," but the unnecessary deaths they caused by the irresponsible mess they made there infuriates me to the point that every draft was just a rant.
Ah right, that reasoning makes sense. Where I live guns are pretty rare, so there's less ability for someone in pain and rage to access violent means really quickly which will definitely have an impact on the dynamics involved.
Oh, that show. That frigging show. That scene. I mean, there's almost no point writing about it, because what do you even say about people who thought it was OK to make it and show to people? I had two clients attempt after watching.
Yeeeeeeep.
"You don’t want your morality to be reasonably compared to that of a journalist, do you?"
I Am a journalist (BJ 1969), but I get your point. I hadn't realized that there was such a spike after the coverage of Robin Williams' suicide. Journalism as a profession has been going down steeply the past few years.
I suppose I am fortunate, or blessed, to never, ever having had even a glimmer of a thought of suicide. Life is just too precious to me. As a Christian most of my life, I'm looking forward to the next world but I'm content to let God make that decision as to when.
I will keep your message in mind if or when the subject of suicide comes up. I do weigh my thoughts carefully when commenting, and edit before hitting Post.
Useful and simple tips to keep in mind. I have never contemplated writing about suicide because I've been blessed in this life to know only one suicide and that was marginally, and I pray it stays that way. Thank you though.
Additional tip:
If you have the leverage, make fighting it out and surviving feel more heroic/honorable to them than giving up.
Some men--not all, but a not-insignificant portion--really key into heroism. Envisioning beating the depression/suicidality as the heroic option can add a lot of reserve strength and determination to the mix.
Excellent. Thank you! 🙏
This is excellent. QPRinstute.com is an excellent resource for suicide prevention.
Thank you for shedding some light on this, Holly.
Thank you, just for the title. Few would even articulate that thought.
Our society needs to get back to treating each person with respect, as a unique individual. People who feel seen and respected are less likely to go down the dark path of wanting to die. Be kind and respectful - you never know who really needs that today!
Thank you for sharing your insights.
Well done. As you know, I'm one of the more skeptical about the public urgings to say this, and not say this, in covering suicides. This was convincing, rational, and not preachy. It didn't put all the responsibility for someone killing themselves on the notional reader/publisher/commenter (that's what gets my dander up).
I long ago switched off the outside world and people in my locale with only bots open to essayists and heroes like Holly Mathnerd. Like Robin Williams, I refuse to waste away and subject anyone to care for a useless meatsack. My suicide ideation definitive plan is calmer and will leave my body untouched externally. My loved ones are good with it so I care not what others opine. They lost that chance with they killed off the last strand of human decency, Saturday Morning Cartoons. Look at the collective horrors Americans have faced since the cartoons disappeared nationwide on Saturday mornings.
This is a great article Holly, but something else that needs to be discussed is how anti-depressant meds can create or exacerbate suicidal thoughts.
The Sister Wives family seems like a good stable family, even despite Kody's emergent narcissicism. I would bet money that his distressed son was also on mental meds at the time, thus clogging and fogging his thinking and moral judgments.