It is good to know that the end of the student loan burden is in sight. For some that would induce a slackening of effort; for others--including you, I suspect--that prospect prompts redoubled efforts. If that urge is pressing you, please consider resisting a little. The earnest, clear-eyed Holly is great, but I don't want to lose the whimsical Holly.
Excellent points. Both in this article and the review. No way was I buying the book so I appreciate your review. I was thinking of Salena Zito's quote earlier today. Most of my family falls in the "take Trump literally but not seriously" camp. I held my nose and voted for him in 2016. Happily voted for him in 2020, and prayed his winning would save us from tyranny in 2024. I still can't stand to listen to him, but for the sake of the US, I hope American really is made great again.
Great essay, Holly. Well done and very well reasoned. Only quibble is you list at the end of what TDS allows you to justify is TWO assassination attempts, the first of which missed only by a few millimeters!
I think your diagnosis is correct, and all of us have probably met people to whom just the thought of Trump causes unhinged irrational ranting. The biggest problem is, as Orwell saw, once you get people to accept something so demonstrably untrue, they're now no longer human, just walking, talking meat puppets to be happily (or angrily) manipulated.
The angry, unhinged, divorced from reality REEE-ING of people who screamed that anybody who didn't wear a mask was a murderer during the COVID panic unfortunately proves it. I don't know if there's any way to turn these people into thinking beings again. Maybe they never were. Eventually Trump will be gone, but these people are still going to be here, waiting for the next bone to be dangled in front of their faces to lunge and snarl at. And that's frightening to contemplate.
Of course many people, like Jake Tapper, seem to be able to present themselves with a more calm countenance but are still irrationally divorced from reality. Your description of how you, as a typical rational person, would have reacted to what was described as happening in the debate prep shows how dangerously, ruthlessly, calmly unhinged they are.
Right?!? I really sat with that for a while. Tried very hard to make sure I wasn't overestimating myself. It is easy for me to talk myself into doing nothing. But I really believe that's what I would've done. That nobody did anything is something I will probably never stop being amazed by.
Thank you for doing the heavy lifting of reading Tapper's book.
But for anyone who paid even a little bit of attention to Joe Biden at any point in his presidency, it was 100% crystal clear that something was terribly wrong with him.
It's of course alarming and awful that so many insiders (and family members!) lied and hid Biden's ailments. But I saw it with my own eyes. In every public appearance (which of course are all carefully curated and staged for most politicians) he was a total mess. It was rare he looked anything like himself from 2016 or prior.
Everyone knew. It was an open secret.
This whole mea culpa charade from blue tribe journalists about not being aware of his problems is just total bullshit. Anyone who couldn't see it with their own eyes (or wouldn't admit it) is themselves impaired or a liar. They can't be trusted. Ever.
I think you are absolutely right. I still can't understand it though. An acquaintance told me he goes to mass every week and prays that Trump is killed. I was dumbfounded. I had no words. How could an otherwise normal person, or so I thought, say such a thing?
Throughout my life, various people have occasionally told me to close my mouth because I was absentmindedly walking around with it hanging open.
Being told this only occasionally is not an indicator that it only happens occasionally, but rather it is most likely due to the fact that most people would not say anything about it.
So it would not surprise me if this was an indicator of some type of mental dysfunction. (My brain is dysfunctional in more ways than I can easily list.)
❤️❤️❤️Great humor and self reflection at the same time. If I ever happen to run into you I will tell you if you are slackjawed and you have a faraway unfocused look in your eyes as Biden often did. You are welcome.
Three comments. First, congratulations on the pay down of your debt. Keep your loyal readers posted and I know that I and many others will be willing aid in the final push towards its extinguishment.
Second, you outdid yourself with these two posts. Your summary of the book and your observations were outstanding as well as deeply introspective. No one who subscribed to get behind your paywall should feel that they overpaid.
Third, I agree with most of your observations and insights regarding TDS , and you stated them very articulately and with great insights .
My only surprise is that you let so many of those who engaged in the loosely coordinated coverup in effect off lightly because however misguided their motivations they had TDS and believed that their actions were not only justified but absolutely to saving our Democracy from Trump. I believe that there is another additional obvious and much more sinister aspect to their attempts to hide the truth. That is , for various reasons depending on the people involved they loved some aspect of the situation they enjoyed by keeping Biden as President. The motives of Jil and Hunter are obvious, their decision to sacrifice the well being of Biden is despicable. His staff probably had various understandable motivations. But the senior individuals who participated in the coverup were obviously interested in the power that accrued to them due to Biden’s inability to function effectively. They could implement their policies , not his, and in the end they could pardon others rather out of friendship or some other quid pro quo. If not treason, it sure is close. Their reputations should be forever tarnished and their veracity forever questioned. Once again, congratulations on your two outstanding posts.
Yes, that was there, especially among some of the lower-level staff who just enjoyed being in the White House for the prestige. And I mentioned "clinging to power" multiple times in the review. I was trying to separate what Tapper said and my reaction to it (the first one) from my deeper synthesis of how in the name of all things holy anyone could have justified keeping this quiet (this one) so I didn't repeat it here.
perhaps a diversion into political biography might be amusing. joseph robinette biden has been a corrupt grifter since election to senate 1972 at all times since he has been a nasty bagman for Delaware's corporate interests he was always a simpleton puppet and the laptop of his son lends credence that he IS treasonously corrupt. that sympathy is invoked for his personal tragedies is somewhat laughable after he and his handlers did their level best to wreck the nation.
I think you're spot on: TDS is real, dangerous, and not going away soon. I just pray Trump survives the rest of this term. However, I do believe God will keep him alive as long as needed to get done what He wants done.
TDS is something I've never had a problem with. In 2016 I voted for Trump because he was an outsider, a businessman and a billionaire (couldn't be bought). And especially because I couldn't stand the thought of Hilary becoming president. Being an outsider allowed the Swamp to blindside him and he didn't achieve as much as he wanted. But he did accomplish quite a bit, including no new war.
In 2020 I went to bed on election night thinking he had won another term, then woke up to the evidence of the steal, which the anti-Trumpers claim was legit.
Last year I voted for Trump for the third time. So far he has demonstrated that he learned well from the previous term and the interregnum. Even if he does survive to 2028, DC is so corrupt it will take at least two decades to thoroughly clean it up. I don't think enough conservatives have what it would take to keep it up that long.
As far as Trump's demeanor, I think it's just a product of where he's from. If you learn to ignore the bulk of it, he is probably one of the best comics around today. Since my first wife was born in Connecticut and my second wife was born in Brooklyn, I understand the attitude.
Holly , As I was attempting to go to sleep my brain was not through reflecting on my recent Substack reads while watching the Knick’s late game collapse and loss in the first game of the division championship series with the Pacers . It is clear that you as is the case for certain other writers have not only many subscribers but fans as well. Not only due to the value of your posts but due the aspects of your personal struggles that you have been willing to share and the obstacles which you have overcome. Those details have personalized you, since as opposed to many well known Substack writers without those details you would have just been the unknown person - Holly Mathnerd. You should consider setting up a Go Fund Me account with the goal of immediately paying off your student debt and getting that burden behind you. And include a link to it in your Substack posts. No pleading or explaining , just a simple link available to those who care , just a simple link I am sure that your fans such as I who are able to contribute would love to engage in the countdown to zero $ with you. I assume that you might consider it self serving , but just place the blame on me for suggesting and in fact requesting it. And there is nothing wrong doing something self serving if it is for a good cause, which the extinguishment of your debt certainly is. This not for Substack to take their cut, this is for you. I will suggest a referendum on the issue - to any readers of this post who agree with me simply “like” this idea. If you don’t, you can give it a thumbs down.
You’re very kind to suggest this, but I am not going to do it. So many people are still recovering from Bidenomics who are employed for less money than a data scientist (who does not have to support any children). And I understand the power of parasocial relationships enough to know that some people would chip in who couldn't afford it. Also, that people are getting something for their money here – learning something about how social media fragmentation works, how to improve at math, suicide contagion avoidance, how to protect their kids from pedophiles, what a book by a journalist says that they can now skip reading, or other things - is a source of self-esteem and confidence. So again, thank you, but gift subscriptions to this Substack (I do have the option turned on) are the only form of “gift” I am comfortable accepting from strangers.
Besides the massively brilliant writing that you share, this response right here is yet another reason that lets me know "yes, not only is my subscription money money well spent but also - this Holly person is truly a genuine, decent individual." I consider myself very fortunate that our paths managed to cross. I learn something from you every time you post - and not just through the writing you share.
Having enjoyed immensely your first piece on this and now this one as well, I'm curious if you ever read the Time magazine article that emerged after the 2020 election, the one that "explained" everything to us rubes - the one headlined, "The Secret History of the Shadow Campaign That Saved the 2020 Election"?
Having read "The Gray Lady Winked: How the New York Times's Misreporting, Distortions and Fabrications Radically Alter History" by Ashley Rindsberg, I didn't think i could be anymore jaded and cynical about the country we live in - and I already knew some of what he writes about, but seeing it gathered and printed that way, I don't know. It helped speed up the crystalization. It has been evident for a long, long time there is an indecent relationship between media, power, and politics - if one is willing to rip off the blinders. This entire ...debacle... over the Biden presidency? I have no confidence that the powers that be and their sycophants and willing accomplices won't sink lower. I'd really like to be wrong about that.
I very much enjoy your insights on every topic you decide to tackle.
Thank you! And yes, I’ve read that. I continue to be amazed that they published it.
Between the autopen and a crack-addicted son who was functionally the Chief of Staff for a big part of his father’s presidency, I sort of wonder if anything that happened in the last four years was legitimate.
Reading your posts is always time well spent. Thank you for the book review and this follow-up essay. They exemplify critical thinking, which is a quality that seems to be disappearing from our society.
Great piece. This snark is at the level of Matt Taibbi on his best day:
"That’s how they end up believing a man with all the message discipline of a raccoon on Adderall is just one bad week away from launching a thousand-year Reich."
I think your analysis is correct in every way. You have accurately described the psychology of society's reaction to this man.
I would add to this discussion the fact (I believe) that Trump is *no more narcissistic* than any other political leader on either side. But certainly no more narcissistic than Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, or many others.
We've talked about him as a society as A Narcissist. Capitals on purpose. This is done to place him in a wholly separate category of person from Clinton, Biden, et al. The implication is: "Trump has a real full personality disorder. He is obviously different in kind from those other people."
Not true. In fact, I think a person could make a good argument that he may even be less of "A Narcissist" than Biden or Obama. Or, put another way, I would argue honestly that most of those Dems are actively cruel and malicious to a degree that I genuinely don't think Trump is.
Why, then, do we say he is A Narcissist, but all the others are not A Narcissist?
Simple. He's honest about who he is. He carries everything right out in front where you can see it. He doesn't lie about who he is, or what he wants. He is overt.
By contrast, the left figures are covert. Manipulative, deceptive, shape-shifters. They employ soft and "caring" language to disguise their malice.
They are worse. They are more dangerous. They are more wicked. And that is why they are in furious terror of him and want him destroyed.
Yep. I’m not the Cluster B whisperer you are, but I see him as the sort of narcissist who is more like a little boy inside — someone who has too deep of a need for approval from unmet childhood needs that never got resolved. That’s a different species of narcissist than most politicians. And a far less dangerous species, since he’s functionally incapable of the pretense that most politicians are.
This makes sense to me and covers his rhetorical style, but not really some of his odder choices. He has some fundamental brokenness that prevents him from reacting to *some* situations normally. Example -- there's video on YouTube of him, on the morning of 9/11, making sure to mention on TV (he was being interviewed) that he now owned the tallest building in NYC. That's just not normal.
And he's consistently been unable to let things go that he *really* should not care about -- like when he was President but still arguing with random moron celebrities on Twitter. It was entertaining and funny, but also a little alarming -- North Korea is testing nukes and I'm hearing about what he called Rosie O'Donnell on Twitter, because that's what he was spending time on?
None of this is meant to be intensely condemnatory of him. I'm an adult. It's my job to adjust to reality. This is who he is. I'm just saying that some of his choices do, in my opinion, communicate some kind of fundamental broken something inside him.
Which I, of all people, am not judgmental about. He's been remarkably successful in spite (or maybe because, it's hard to tell) of whatever he experienced that made him this way.
It is good to know that the end of the student loan burden is in sight. For some that would induce a slackening of effort; for others--including you, I suspect--that prospect prompts redoubled efforts. If that urge is pressing you, please consider resisting a little. The earnest, clear-eyed Holly is great, but I don't want to lose the whimsical Holly.
Excellent points. Both in this article and the review. No way was I buying the book so I appreciate your review. I was thinking of Salena Zito's quote earlier today. Most of my family falls in the "take Trump literally but not seriously" camp. I held my nose and voted for him in 2016. Happily voted for him in 2020, and prayed his winning would save us from tyranny in 2024. I still can't stand to listen to him, but for the sake of the US, I hope American really is made great again.
Great essay, Holly. Well done and very well reasoned. Only quibble is you list at the end of what TDS allows you to justify is TWO assassination attempts, the first of which missed only by a few millimeters!
I think your diagnosis is correct, and all of us have probably met people to whom just the thought of Trump causes unhinged irrational ranting. The biggest problem is, as Orwell saw, once you get people to accept something so demonstrably untrue, they're now no longer human, just walking, talking meat puppets to be happily (or angrily) manipulated.
The angry, unhinged, divorced from reality REEE-ING of people who screamed that anybody who didn't wear a mask was a murderer during the COVID panic unfortunately proves it. I don't know if there's any way to turn these people into thinking beings again. Maybe they never were. Eventually Trump will be gone, but these people are still going to be here, waiting for the next bone to be dangled in front of their faces to lunge and snarl at. And that's frightening to contemplate.
Of course many people, like Jake Tapper, seem to be able to present themselves with a more calm countenance but are still irrationally divorced from reality. Your description of how you, as a typical rational person, would have reacted to what was described as happening in the debate prep shows how dangerously, ruthlessly, calmly unhinged they are.
Right?!? I really sat with that for a while. Tried very hard to make sure I wasn't overestimating myself. It is easy for me to talk myself into doing nothing. But I really believe that's what I would've done. That nobody did anything is something I will probably never stop being amazed by.
Thank you for doing the heavy lifting of reading Tapper's book.
But for anyone who paid even a little bit of attention to Joe Biden at any point in his presidency, it was 100% crystal clear that something was terribly wrong with him.
It's of course alarming and awful that so many insiders (and family members!) lied and hid Biden's ailments. But I saw it with my own eyes. In every public appearance (which of course are all carefully curated and staged for most politicians) he was a total mess. It was rare he looked anything like himself from 2016 or prior.
Everyone knew. It was an open secret.
This whole mea culpa charade from blue tribe journalists about not being aware of his problems is just total bullshit. Anyone who couldn't see it with their own eyes (or wouldn't admit it) is themselves impaired or a liar. They can't be trusted. Ever.
I think you are absolutely right. I still can't understand it though. An acquaintance told me he goes to mass every week and prays that Trump is killed. I was dumbfounded. I had no words. How could an otherwise normal person, or so I thought, say such a thing?
It's astonishing. Scripture is quite clear on the duty to pray for one's governmental authorities. For.
You’re *not* supposed to pray the imprecatory Psalms against them, something I observed a few times during President Obama’s term.
Brilliant
Throughout my life, various people have occasionally told me to close my mouth because I was absentmindedly walking around with it hanging open.
Being told this only occasionally is not an indicator that it only happens occasionally, but rather it is most likely due to the fact that most people would not say anything about it.
So it would not surprise me if this was an indicator of some type of mental dysfunction. (My brain is dysfunctional in more ways than I can easily list.)
❤️❤️❤️Great humor and self reflection at the same time. If I ever happen to run into you I will tell you if you are slackjawed and you have a faraway unfocused look in your eyes as Biden often did. You are welcome.
Three comments. First, congratulations on the pay down of your debt. Keep your loyal readers posted and I know that I and many others will be willing aid in the final push towards its extinguishment.
Second, you outdid yourself with these two posts. Your summary of the book and your observations were outstanding as well as deeply introspective. No one who subscribed to get behind your paywall should feel that they overpaid.
Third, I agree with most of your observations and insights regarding TDS , and you stated them very articulately and with great insights .
My only surprise is that you let so many of those who engaged in the loosely coordinated coverup in effect off lightly because however misguided their motivations they had TDS and believed that their actions were not only justified but absolutely to saving our Democracy from Trump. I believe that there is another additional obvious and much more sinister aspect to their attempts to hide the truth. That is , for various reasons depending on the people involved they loved some aspect of the situation they enjoyed by keeping Biden as President. The motives of Jil and Hunter are obvious, their decision to sacrifice the well being of Biden is despicable. His staff probably had various understandable motivations. But the senior individuals who participated in the coverup were obviously interested in the power that accrued to them due to Biden’s inability to function effectively. They could implement their policies , not his, and in the end they could pardon others rather out of friendship or some other quid pro quo. If not treason, it sure is close. Their reputations should be forever tarnished and their veracity forever questioned. Once again, congratulations on your two outstanding posts.
Yes, that was there, especially among some of the lower-level staff who just enjoyed being in the White House for the prestige. And I mentioned "clinging to power" multiple times in the review. I was trying to separate what Tapper said and my reaction to it (the first one) from my deeper synthesis of how in the name of all things holy anyone could have justified keeping this quiet (this one) so I didn't repeat it here.
perhaps a diversion into political biography might be amusing. joseph robinette biden has been a corrupt grifter since election to senate 1972 at all times since he has been a nasty bagman for Delaware's corporate interests he was always a simpleton puppet and the laptop of his son lends credence that he IS treasonously corrupt. that sympathy is invoked for his personal tragedies is somewhat laughable after he and his handlers did their level best to wreck the nation.
his downfall is richly deserved. not a confirmed episcopalian thought but just can not help myself.
I think you're spot on: TDS is real, dangerous, and not going away soon. I just pray Trump survives the rest of this term. However, I do believe God will keep him alive as long as needed to get done what He wants done.
TDS is something I've never had a problem with. In 2016 I voted for Trump because he was an outsider, a businessman and a billionaire (couldn't be bought). And especially because I couldn't stand the thought of Hilary becoming president. Being an outsider allowed the Swamp to blindside him and he didn't achieve as much as he wanted. But he did accomplish quite a bit, including no new war.
In 2020 I went to bed on election night thinking he had won another term, then woke up to the evidence of the steal, which the anti-Trumpers claim was legit.
Last year I voted for Trump for the third time. So far he has demonstrated that he learned well from the previous term and the interregnum. Even if he does survive to 2028, DC is so corrupt it will take at least two decades to thoroughly clean it up. I don't think enough conservatives have what it would take to keep it up that long.
As far as Trump's demeanor, I think it's just a product of where he's from. If you learn to ignore the bulk of it, he is probably one of the best comics around today. Since my first wife was born in Connecticut and my second wife was born in Brooklyn, I understand the attitude.
Holly , As I was attempting to go to sleep my brain was not through reflecting on my recent Substack reads while watching the Knick’s late game collapse and loss in the first game of the division championship series with the Pacers . It is clear that you as is the case for certain other writers have not only many subscribers but fans as well. Not only due to the value of your posts but due the aspects of your personal struggles that you have been willing to share and the obstacles which you have overcome. Those details have personalized you, since as opposed to many well known Substack writers without those details you would have just been the unknown person - Holly Mathnerd. You should consider setting up a Go Fund Me account with the goal of immediately paying off your student debt and getting that burden behind you. And include a link to it in your Substack posts. No pleading or explaining , just a simple link available to those who care , just a simple link I am sure that your fans such as I who are able to contribute would love to engage in the countdown to zero $ with you. I assume that you might consider it self serving , but just place the blame on me for suggesting and in fact requesting it. And there is nothing wrong doing something self serving if it is for a good cause, which the extinguishment of your debt certainly is. This not for Substack to take their cut, this is for you. I will suggest a referendum on the issue - to any readers of this post who agree with me simply “like” this idea. If you don’t, you can give it a thumbs down.
You’re very kind to suggest this, but I am not going to do it. So many people are still recovering from Bidenomics who are employed for less money than a data scientist (who does not have to support any children). And I understand the power of parasocial relationships enough to know that some people would chip in who couldn't afford it. Also, that people are getting something for their money here – learning something about how social media fragmentation works, how to improve at math, suicide contagion avoidance, how to protect their kids from pedophiles, what a book by a journalist says that they can now skip reading, or other things - is a source of self-esteem and confidence. So again, thank you, but gift subscriptions to this Substack (I do have the option turned on) are the only form of “gift” I am comfortable accepting from strangers.
Besides the massively brilliant writing that you share, this response right here is yet another reason that lets me know "yes, not only is my subscription money money well spent but also - this Holly person is truly a genuine, decent individual." I consider myself very fortunate that our paths managed to cross. I learn something from you every time you post - and not just through the writing you share.
Having enjoyed immensely your first piece on this and now this one as well, I'm curious if you ever read the Time magazine article that emerged after the 2020 election, the one that "explained" everything to us rubes - the one headlined, "The Secret History of the Shadow Campaign That Saved the 2020 Election"?
If not, here's the link - https://time.com/5936036/secret-2020-election-campaign/
It still pisses me off just mentioning it.
Having read "The Gray Lady Winked: How the New York Times's Misreporting, Distortions and Fabrications Radically Alter History" by Ashley Rindsberg, I didn't think i could be anymore jaded and cynical about the country we live in - and I already knew some of what he writes about, but seeing it gathered and printed that way, I don't know. It helped speed up the crystalization. It has been evident for a long, long time there is an indecent relationship between media, power, and politics - if one is willing to rip off the blinders. This entire ...debacle... over the Biden presidency? I have no confidence that the powers that be and their sycophants and willing accomplices won't sink lower. I'd really like to be wrong about that.
I very much enjoy your insights on every topic you decide to tackle.
Thank you! And yes, I’ve read that. I continue to be amazed that they published it.
Between the autopen and a crack-addicted son who was functionally the Chief of Staff for a big part of his father’s presidency, I sort of wonder if anything that happened in the last four years was legitimate.
Reading your posts is always time well spent. Thank you for the book review and this follow-up essay. They exemplify critical thinking, which is a quality that seems to be disappearing from our society.
Great piece. This snark is at the level of Matt Taibbi on his best day:
"That’s how they end up believing a man with all the message discipline of a raccoon on Adderall is just one bad week away from launching a thousand-year Reich."
ha ha, thank you!
I think your analysis is correct in every way. You have accurately described the psychology of society's reaction to this man.
I would add to this discussion the fact (I believe) that Trump is *no more narcissistic* than any other political leader on either side. But certainly no more narcissistic than Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, or many others.
We've talked about him as a society as A Narcissist. Capitals on purpose. This is done to place him in a wholly separate category of person from Clinton, Biden, et al. The implication is: "Trump has a real full personality disorder. He is obviously different in kind from those other people."
Not true. In fact, I think a person could make a good argument that he may even be less of "A Narcissist" than Biden or Obama. Or, put another way, I would argue honestly that most of those Dems are actively cruel and malicious to a degree that I genuinely don't think Trump is.
Why, then, do we say he is A Narcissist, but all the others are not A Narcissist?
Simple. He's honest about who he is. He carries everything right out in front where you can see it. He doesn't lie about who he is, or what he wants. He is overt.
By contrast, the left figures are covert. Manipulative, deceptive, shape-shifters. They employ soft and "caring" language to disguise their malice.
They are worse. They are more dangerous. They are more wicked. And that is why they are in furious terror of him and want him destroyed.
Yep. I’m not the Cluster B whisperer you are, but I see him as the sort of narcissist who is more like a little boy inside — someone who has too deep of a need for approval from unmet childhood needs that never got resolved. That’s a different species of narcissist than most politicians. And a far less dangerous species, since he’s functionally incapable of the pretense that most politicians are.
That's how I see him too.
Let me add that one can go to Queens and find 5,000 people who talk and act just like Trump, only with less money. It's in their blood!
This makes sense to me and covers his rhetorical style, but not really some of his odder choices. He has some fundamental brokenness that prevents him from reacting to *some* situations normally. Example -- there's video on YouTube of him, on the morning of 9/11, making sure to mention on TV (he was being interviewed) that he now owned the tallest building in NYC. That's just not normal.
And he's consistently been unable to let things go that he *really* should not care about -- like when he was President but still arguing with random moron celebrities on Twitter. It was entertaining and funny, but also a little alarming -- North Korea is testing nukes and I'm hearing about what he called Rosie O'Donnell on Twitter, because that's what he was spending time on?
None of this is meant to be intensely condemnatory of him. I'm an adult. It's my job to adjust to reality. This is who he is. I'm just saying that some of his choices do, in my opinion, communicate some kind of fundamental broken something inside him.
Which I, of all people, am not judgmental about. He's been remarkably successful in spite (or maybe because, it's hard to tell) of whatever he experienced that made him this way.