Wow, thank you so very much for this review. I have pre-ordered his book. Just reading your review is eye opening. I consider myself a moderate conservative and had no clue conservatives held the belief that childhood experiences were inconsequential to the formation of the adult you become. I guess my own views blinded me to this. I am filled with wonder at complexity. The sheer complexity of the human body, the world, the universe, to me, proves the existence of a creator, of God. That a complex person could be reduced to any one aspect of their being is anathema to me. Perhaps I am just too simple and uneducated to understand how people should be pigeonholed into defined categories.🥴
It's mostly secular folks who go this route -- people who try to put an academic sheen on "race realism" are part of this. These are the people who look at the fact that Asians, who have two parent families and highly prize academic achievement, tend to outscore everyone else on IQ tests; blacks, with the lowest proportion of two parent families and the least emphasis on academics culturally test the lowest, and whites, in the middle of these extremes, test in the middle, and conclude NOT that limited screentime, stable families, and having high expectations for kids correlate to kids maximizing their potential, but that black people simply have lower potential. Similarly, there's a bunch of center-right academic types who are so goddamn dumb that they think that twins separated at birth who each grow up in stable, two-parent, middle-class families with love, nurturing, absence of trauma and deprivation, etc., have *radically different childhoods* because Twin A's doctor dad and lawyer mom are not the same people as Twin B's veterinarian mom and professor dad, and therefore if the twins end up similar in some ways, childhoods don't matter. (Not that this is a topic I rant about regularly or anything.....)
WRT ultra-successful people, I expect a great many attribute their success to "luck" in a misplaced attempt to avoid appearing prideful.
I confess I am surprised to learn there is much in the way of luxury belief among conservatives who aver to parenting not being important. My inner circle is admittedly parochial, and is comprised mainly of military veterans, cops, hunters, observant (as opposed to religious) Christians. My outer circle (family friends) are mostly "hands-on" academic types who worked in LSU's cooperative extension service. Of all of them, I don't know any who say one thing publicly and another privately.
Some people succeed in life in spite of their upbringing. You, Holly, and my dad, are 2 good examples of that. But having been a cop in Houston, I suspect people like you are quite the minority. Without the civilizing influence of 2 parents, I suspect most kids end up being like "the big'uns" from Lord of the Flies. We all seem to be a muddy mixture of upbringing and our own internal compasses.
I had the Very Online set mostly in mind; should've made that clearer.
And I suspect you're right about some people at least, but most of the time it's both. I've worked really hard to get better, but I've ALSO been insanely lucky. I have one of the top ten therapists on earth and three of my best friends are named Josh Slocum, Heather Heying, and Bret Weinstein. It's hard to imagine getting any luckier without winning the lottery.
I would have a hard time calling even that luck. You made a decision when you were 17 or 18 to pursue some sort of a career in mathematics. That opened a whole new world to you, a world you couldn't possibly have known existed at that time; but a world that existed nonetheless.
You planted a fruit tree, watered it, fed it, kept it as free of pests as you could, and are surprised some years later that it bore delicious fruit? You earned the friendship of Josh, Bret, and Heather, every bit as much as they earned yours.
We all make decisions today for which we have no idea how they'll affect our futures, either for good or for ill. Endeavor to do good, productive things; and to treat people well. Many good things, unlooked for, will come your way because of it. It doesn't mean you won't have to deal with the occasional thunderstorm. But even adversity can teach us valuable lessons if we are willing students.
I have to agree with you. When I was in my early twenties I told my dad one day that I felt guilty that I was doing better in life than my brothers. I remember he was quite astonished by that. He said “you make your own luck”. I’ve never forgotten that. We can’t choose our circumstances but we can choose our response to them.
Thank you for the review Holly. I look forward to reading Rob’s book.
Thanks for this excellent review, which immediately prompted me to pre-order the book. And thanks, generally, for sharing your other observations. They are a rare breath of fresh air to me.
I always look forward to reading your Substack. I always learn something new. Thank you for sharing your work! And thanks for reviewing the book. I'm going to pre-order.
Rob Henderson points out that chaos and instability in a child’s life is far more damaging than poverty. This is another truth that triggers the progressives. This is true without regard to race, sex, or any other factor. The rates at which people who are alumni of the foster care system, of all races, who graduate college is far lower than those of children of all races who grew up in poverty, for example (although the degree of chaos in their families is predictive as well). And foster children have rates of deaths of despair from suicide or overdose throughout their lives that exceeds other demographics by far.
This phenomenon demonstrates the lie behind progressive’s sneering contempt for white people as being expressed with the use of the term “white privilege”, about which Holly has written. A child’s family life is a massive predictor of their future, and personal agency and good luck are their only hope for escaping statistical destiny.
There are some very dedicated people trying to fix the foster care system, but for the most part it is not on the radar of either the public or the political class. We absolutely have to fix this system, because it is an abomination against humanity, and is right under our noses.
Thank you for recommending. FYI for those of us with tired eyes, I’ve just found the book on audiobooks.com and added it to my ‘wish list’. By the time I finish listening (only 8 hours) it should be on the shelves for me to buy for friends.
Thanks for letting us know about that audiobooks site... I've been wanting to listen to audiobooks because both my eyesight and cognition make it hard to read anything longer than a typical thread, but I really didn't want to give Scamazon more money.
Thank you, this review gave me a rare “A-ha” moment about my own life experiences. Raised by a single mother who did an amazing job considering all the challenges she faced as a nineteen year old high school dropout, I have only recently realized that there was still a lot of chaos in my life. We moved frequently because we had to live within walking distance of her jobs. I went to five different schools, K-12, with some bad effects on my social skills and--Holly will sympathize I think--my math education was almost nil after 6th grade. Ergo, SAT scores were 730 verbal and 560 math. My mother had more husbands and boyfriends than my peers experienced. Anyway, the observation in this post that such experiences teach kids that people can’t be trusted to stay around, that it’s best not to let yourself get attached, that you should just move on when you’re done with them, explains for the first time why I never got truly attached to the serious boyfriends I had all through college and up until I was around thirty years old (when I began to want to get married). Looking back, I don’t recognize that young woman who casually dropped guys after thinking that I was in love with them. I didn’t think they would be really hurt--after all, I wasn’t too upset when I was dumped. But I DID hurt them! Through some kind of miracle, through undeserved grace, I did finally develop a mature understanding of relationships and commitment, and have developed the capacity to love truly.
I had no idea right-wing people don't think environment and 2 parent nuclear family matters. I was under the impression they were the only ones who encouraged this. I didn't know they thought babies sexes weren't determined at birth, either. I don't know these people. Maybe I'm not luxury enough, lol.
Pre-ordered the audiobook on Audible. Thank you for reviewing. I have seen a couple of Rob's interviews and planned to get his book when released, but your review lit a fire under me.
I, too, was surprised that you described conservatives believing that parenting and upbringing don't have any influence on the success or failure of a child's outcome. I don't know any who believe that, and none who practice anything but concern and effort to raise their children for success. But, my circle isn't the affluent and I don't have an on-line social media presence, or follow any that do, unless they are on Substack, so that may be why I don't know they exist.
That was great, and as soon as I can, I'll get a copy for my former roommate who resided in a California children's home for years before being adopted. I sent Justin the link to this review.
Amazing and insightful as always, Holly. As one of those people who is continually having to censor myself to avoid offending other people in my social class...I salute you for seeing and acknowledging this.
Wow, thank you so very much for this review. I have pre-ordered his book. Just reading your review is eye opening. I consider myself a moderate conservative and had no clue conservatives held the belief that childhood experiences were inconsequential to the formation of the adult you become. I guess my own views blinded me to this. I am filled with wonder at complexity. The sheer complexity of the human body, the world, the universe, to me, proves the existence of a creator, of God. That a complex person could be reduced to any one aspect of their being is anathema to me. Perhaps I am just too simple and uneducated to understand how people should be pigeonholed into defined categories.🥴
It's mostly secular folks who go this route -- people who try to put an academic sheen on "race realism" are part of this. These are the people who look at the fact that Asians, who have two parent families and highly prize academic achievement, tend to outscore everyone else on IQ tests; blacks, with the lowest proportion of two parent families and the least emphasis on academics culturally test the lowest, and whites, in the middle of these extremes, test in the middle, and conclude NOT that limited screentime, stable families, and having high expectations for kids correlate to kids maximizing their potential, but that black people simply have lower potential. Similarly, there's a bunch of center-right academic types who are so goddamn dumb that they think that twins separated at birth who each grow up in stable, two-parent, middle-class families with love, nurturing, absence of trauma and deprivation, etc., have *radically different childhoods* because Twin A's doctor dad and lawyer mom are not the same people as Twin B's veterinarian mom and professor dad, and therefore if the twins end up similar in some ways, childhoods don't matter. (Not that this is a topic I rant about regularly or anything.....)
WRT ultra-successful people, I expect a great many attribute their success to "luck" in a misplaced attempt to avoid appearing prideful.
I confess I am surprised to learn there is much in the way of luxury belief among conservatives who aver to parenting not being important. My inner circle is admittedly parochial, and is comprised mainly of military veterans, cops, hunters, observant (as opposed to religious) Christians. My outer circle (family friends) are mostly "hands-on" academic types who worked in LSU's cooperative extension service. Of all of them, I don't know any who say one thing publicly and another privately.
Some people succeed in life in spite of their upbringing. You, Holly, and my dad, are 2 good examples of that. But having been a cop in Houston, I suspect people like you are quite the minority. Without the civilizing influence of 2 parents, I suspect most kids end up being like "the big'uns" from Lord of the Flies. We all seem to be a muddy mixture of upbringing and our own internal compasses.
I had the Very Online set mostly in mind; should've made that clearer.
And I suspect you're right about some people at least, but most of the time it's both. I've worked really hard to get better, but I've ALSO been insanely lucky. I have one of the top ten therapists on earth and three of my best friends are named Josh Slocum, Heather Heying, and Bret Weinstein. It's hard to imagine getting any luckier without winning the lottery.
I would have a hard time calling even that luck. You made a decision when you were 17 or 18 to pursue some sort of a career in mathematics. That opened a whole new world to you, a world you couldn't possibly have known existed at that time; but a world that existed nonetheless.
You planted a fruit tree, watered it, fed it, kept it as free of pests as you could, and are surprised some years later that it bore delicious fruit? You earned the friendship of Josh, Bret, and Heather, every bit as much as they earned yours.
We all make decisions today for which we have no idea how they'll affect our futures, either for good or for ill. Endeavor to do good, productive things; and to treat people well. Many good things, unlooked for, will come your way because of it. It doesn't mean you won't have to deal with the occasional thunderstorm. But even adversity can teach us valuable lessons if we are willing students.
I have to agree with you. When I was in my early twenties I told my dad one day that I felt guilty that I was doing better in life than my brothers. I remember he was quite astonished by that. He said “you make your own luck”. I’ve never forgotten that. We can’t choose our circumstances but we can choose our response to them.
Thank you for the review Holly. I look forward to reading Rob’s book.
Thanks for this excellent review, which immediately prompted me to pre-order the book. And thanks, generally, for sharing your other observations. They are a rare breath of fresh air to me.
Thank you for reading and subscribing! I really appreciate it. :)
I always look forward to reading your Substack. I always learn something new. Thank you for sharing your work! And thanks for reviewing the book. I'm going to pre-order.
Thank you! I really want to see this book sell well.
Rob Henderson points out that chaos and instability in a child’s life is far more damaging than poverty. This is another truth that triggers the progressives. This is true without regard to race, sex, or any other factor. The rates at which people who are alumni of the foster care system, of all races, who graduate college is far lower than those of children of all races who grew up in poverty, for example (although the degree of chaos in their families is predictive as well). And foster children have rates of deaths of despair from suicide or overdose throughout their lives that exceeds other demographics by far.
This phenomenon demonstrates the lie behind progressive’s sneering contempt for white people as being expressed with the use of the term “white privilege”, about which Holly has written. A child’s family life is a massive predictor of their future, and personal agency and good luck are their only hope for escaping statistical destiny.
There are some very dedicated people trying to fix the foster care system, but for the most part it is not on the radar of either the public or the political class. We absolutely have to fix this system, because it is an abomination against humanity, and is right under our noses.
Thank you for recommending. FYI for those of us with tired eyes, I’ve just found the book on audiobooks.com and added it to my ‘wish list’. By the time I finish listening (only 8 hours) it should be on the shelves for me to buy for friends.
Thanks for letting us know about that audiobooks site... I've been wanting to listen to audiobooks because both my eyesight and cognition make it hard to read anything longer than a typical thread, but I really didn't want to give Scamazon more money.
Thank you, this review gave me a rare “A-ha” moment about my own life experiences. Raised by a single mother who did an amazing job considering all the challenges she faced as a nineteen year old high school dropout, I have only recently realized that there was still a lot of chaos in my life. We moved frequently because we had to live within walking distance of her jobs. I went to five different schools, K-12, with some bad effects on my social skills and--Holly will sympathize I think--my math education was almost nil after 6th grade. Ergo, SAT scores were 730 verbal and 560 math. My mother had more husbands and boyfriends than my peers experienced. Anyway, the observation in this post that such experiences teach kids that people can’t be trusted to stay around, that it’s best not to let yourself get attached, that you should just move on when you’re done with them, explains for the first time why I never got truly attached to the serious boyfriends I had all through college and up until I was around thirty years old (when I began to want to get married). Looking back, I don’t recognize that young woman who casually dropped guys after thinking that I was in love with them. I didn’t think they would be really hurt--after all, I wasn’t too upset when I was dumped. But I DID hurt them! Through some kind of miracle, through undeserved grace, I did finally develop a mature understanding of relationships and commitment, and have developed the capacity to love truly.
Well, your review makes me excited to read Rob‘s book.
One question lingers after reading this: when can we expect your book!?
I had no idea right-wing people don't think environment and 2 parent nuclear family matters. I was under the impression they were the only ones who encouraged this. I didn't know they thought babies sexes weren't determined at birth, either. I don't know these people. Maybe I'm not luxury enough, lol.
Pre-ordered the audiobook on Audible. Thank you for reviewing. I have seen a couple of Rob's interviews and planned to get his book when released, but your review lit a fire under me.
I, too, was surprised that you described conservatives believing that parenting and upbringing don't have any influence on the success or failure of a child's outcome. I don't know any who believe that, and none who practice anything but concern and effort to raise their children for success. But, my circle isn't the affluent and I don't have an on-line social media presence, or follow any that do, unless they are on Substack, so that may be why I don't know they exist.
That was great, and as soon as I can, I'll get a copy for my former roommate who resided in a California children's home for years before being adopted. I sent Justin the link to this review.
I binged the audio version today only stopping to charge my phone and for lunch.
I also found myself wanting the printed or e-book edition to highlight several of the same passages you quoted here.
Amazing and insightful as always, Holly. As one of those people who is continually having to censor myself to avoid offending other people in my social class...I salute you for seeing and acknowledging this.
PS, read the book, loved the book, was so interested to read your take on it, and I think you've summed it up nicely (lil math joke for your there).