I’ll tell you a related story: I went for a run a few years back (peak Covid) and tripped and shattered my clavicle. Quite painful, quite traumatizing. Required surgery and almost a year of healing/therapy.
Something I never did was show any pity for myself, no matter how hard all of it was. Staying stoic throughout adversity has a certain affect on those around you.
In tough or rough conditions give me a man who can handle them with resolve and perseverance over a soy boy softy any day. Or under any conditions for that matter. Stoic vs. marshmallow. Yeah, no contest.
Reminds me of a time a buddy and I decided to explore an unused limestone mine, cut into the mountain. Inside, ordinary flaslights weren’t strong enough to reach the ceiling. It was like a huge gymnasium in there. But we got turned around and the way out wasn’t the large opening we’d entered. Worse, a huge fallen boulder partly blocked our found exit. My friend was little like a tunnel rat, and he went right out. I hate tight spaces. I just do.
From the great outdoors, he called, “See that boulder? Ya gotta go around it or ya gotta go through it.”
I loved this Holly! I understand your point perfectly. I am married to a man whose stoicism and less emotional reactions to things often help me to cope or continue or think in such a way that I am significantly helped. Of course I appreciate my female family and friends and their support, but those “masculine” traits my husband exhibits also contribute to my ability to navigate difficult situations calmly.
Hopefully once your shoulder is back to normal(ish) you'll go back to the same trail and have a male friend you can trust to pull/boost you up those big steps and you'll make it to the end.
A couple years ago I went on a hunting trip in Montana. I am not a physically fit person, and the hunt was in some very hilly terrain at high altitude. By a few hours into the day I was suffering pretty hard, my legs were jelly, I was tired, I was not having a great time.
The party I was hunting with reacted largely the same way as your friend Adam. I kept powering through, and ended up bagging myself an elk that I'm still eating today (oh lord someone help me eat this thing).
Always enjoy your story-telling, even when you sound like a whiny little ... (😉) Just kidding!
And I relate to your disposition re what typically constitutes the most effective emotional support. It’s not that unusual for me to find myself in a situation that feels borderline overwhelming, and while I may at times want some degree of acknowledgment of my plight, I don’t believe I ever find communal hand-wringing helpful at all. But for someone who could help to let me know that they are willing and available if I need them can make a huge difference. That bolsters my courage and I typically then find myself fully adequate for the task. I guess it just relieves that sense of being totally alone having to deal with some daunting issue.
My two cents on your shoulder issue: I had a torn rotator cuff that, after a couple of months recovery from the initial injury, seemed pretty well for a long time. But over about 10 years, it gradually digressed until just walking caused deep aching. Had it repaired and got out of the pain, but have never been able to throw rocks (or anything else) like I used to.
Putting myself in this story, I wouldn't like the patronizing of a woman seeing me as "weak" with all the coddling that would come from that feminine reaction in the first legs of the journey up. I would appreciate the masculine help as well. While reading this, I realized how many children are missing this stable reassuring help from a father in their homes and it made me sad. Obsessive feminine coddling is destroying our society.
Yay for you finding another wonderful friend!
What a great story with some great analogies.
Hope your shoulder gets better soon!
I’ll tell you a related story: I went for a run a few years back (peak Covid) and tripped and shattered my clavicle. Quite painful, quite traumatizing. Required surgery and almost a year of healing/therapy.
Something I never did was show any pity for myself, no matter how hard all of it was. Staying stoic throughout adversity has a certain affect on those around you.
Still think you have tons of spirit and tenacity.
In tough or rough conditions give me a man who can handle them with resolve and perseverance over a soy boy softy any day. Or under any conditions for that matter. Stoic vs. marshmallow. Yeah, no contest.
Great lesson in persistence! Ironic that one of my professors told me that persistence is the secret to success in math.
Great story. There is a time for everything under the sun as the good book says. I would have loved to hear your discourse on prime numbers. LOL.
Wonderful story, beautifully told.
I hope your shoulder mends quickly.
This resonates. Thank you for writing this. May your chronic pain be gone.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story of your hike and lessons learned. I also enjoyed viewing the pictures. Thank you for sharing.
Reminds me of a time a buddy and I decided to explore an unused limestone mine, cut into the mountain. Inside, ordinary flaslights weren’t strong enough to reach the ceiling. It was like a huge gymnasium in there. But we got turned around and the way out wasn’t the large opening we’d entered. Worse, a huge fallen boulder partly blocked our found exit. My friend was little like a tunnel rat, and he went right out. I hate tight spaces. I just do.
From the great outdoors, he called, “See that boulder? Ya gotta go around it or ya gotta go through it.”
I went back. Found where we’d come in. 😸
As a caver in my younger years I can relate. One thing spelunking teaches you is to look BACK so you remember your route in.
The thing about huge natural chambers underground is that its even harder to walk around the edge to find the way you came in...
Wonderful contrast of different strengths...some for one set of circumstance, some for another.
I loved this Holly! I understand your point perfectly. I am married to a man whose stoicism and less emotional reactions to things often help me to cope or continue or think in such a way that I am significantly helped. Of course I appreciate my female family and friends and their support, but those “masculine” traits my husband exhibits also contribute to my ability to navigate difficult situations calmly.
Hopefully once your shoulder is back to normal(ish) you'll go back to the same trail and have a male friend you can trust to pull/boost you up those big steps and you'll make it to the end.
PS I read this a couple of days ago - https://accordingtohoyt.com/2023/09/14/fractions-vs-integers-a-guest-post-by-maryh10000/ - which I figure is right up your street and even tangentially related to this post
Holly, may I say, you have some terrific friends. You have chosen wisely.
I've won the friend lottery a couple of times over, absolutely.
A couple years ago I went on a hunting trip in Montana. I am not a physically fit person, and the hunt was in some very hilly terrain at high altitude. By a few hours into the day I was suffering pretty hard, my legs were jelly, I was tired, I was not having a great time.
The party I was hunting with reacted largely the same way as your friend Adam. I kept powering through, and ended up bagging myself an elk that I'm still eating today (oh lord someone help me eat this thing).
Always enjoy your story-telling, even when you sound like a whiny little ... (😉) Just kidding!
And I relate to your disposition re what typically constitutes the most effective emotional support. It’s not that unusual for me to find myself in a situation that feels borderline overwhelming, and while I may at times want some degree of acknowledgment of my plight, I don’t believe I ever find communal hand-wringing helpful at all. But for someone who could help to let me know that they are willing and available if I need them can make a huge difference. That bolsters my courage and I typically then find myself fully adequate for the task. I guess it just relieves that sense of being totally alone having to deal with some daunting issue.
My two cents on your shoulder issue: I had a torn rotator cuff that, after a couple of months recovery from the initial injury, seemed pretty well for a long time. But over about 10 years, it gradually digressed until just walking caused deep aching. Had it repaired and got out of the pain, but have never been able to throw rocks (or anything else) like I used to.
Putting myself in this story, I wouldn't like the patronizing of a woman seeing me as "weak" with all the coddling that would come from that feminine reaction in the first legs of the journey up. I would appreciate the masculine help as well. While reading this, I realized how many children are missing this stable reassuring help from a father in their homes and it made me sad. Obsessive feminine coddling is destroying our society.