Agreed. I was trying to make this funny, because when I think about it I mostly laugh, but so many of the actual facts are horrifying. William just mystified me. That’s easier to write.
I just can't imagine why you had any difficulty wringing a comedic tone from a story about how dreading the future abuse inherent in the immediate news earned you more immediate abuse for not reacting the way a neurotypical person who hadn't been abused might have...
See?! That was totally supposed to be ultra-dry British-style humor right there, and the horrible subject matter just makes rather a dog's breakfast of it, I'm afraid...
I'm glad you overcame your nervousness to publish this story. Start to finish, your words create a vivid picture in my mind of the little girl, what she was thinking about, her reactions to something that was beyond her understanding, deeply confusing and frightening, trying to make sense of contradictions and the consequences they would bring to bear.
Your story also awakened a personal insight. This line "She knows what her mom is thinking and she knows what her mom will say. It’s so embarrassing to have such a spoiled brat . . ." That mom is me, and I am that little girl, browbeaten and shamed for the smallest errors, the silliest mistakes, for simply being human and imperfect. My self-talk rarely expresses kindness or approval.
I'm looking forward to more stories. Please keep sharing.
Giiiiiiiirl, tell me about it. I literally have a reminder set on my Habit app to do positive self-talk, 18 times a day. I've been doing that for about six months. Slowly, it's started to help.
Maybe I need something like that because I tell you it's pretty much just a constant litany of every way I have ever failed, going back to when I was like, ten, inside my heads. I must have extra stomachs, but I am definitely a ruminant... ;)
Yes. (Following you too, Mr. Slocum. Thank you for being a truth-teller. Thank you for helping put words to things that we may sense but can't quite string together and confront some real . . . I hate to use "preacher-talk," but Wickedness.) Looking forward to more.
Glad you two know each other -- before I realized you did, had been going to introduce the two of you. You're a light in a time of real insidious pervasive well-articulated well-marketed darkness; and I thank both of you.
I speak the language of Wickedness, too, even though I'm not a believer. My view of the world lines up today much better with that of religious people who recognize good and evil and human nature than it does with other non-believers.
Thanks. Over the years, I'd have liked to have learnt more about atheism but couldn't penetrate that community's vituperative hostility. (Oh well, there are always books.) I can't think when I've used the word "wickedness" but recent postures actually drove me there yesterday. The flood of child-abuse, cloaked in Orwellian "affirming" language, is actually Mengelian (I just made up that word, then found it) and I am appalled that it took people this long to start speaking up. Thank you for being one.
You have a real gift for writing, you conveyed the feelings and thoughts and impressions so very well. And you captured the absolute maddening insanity of church politics so well I felt myself experiencing residual rage remembering what it was like growing up pentecostal. Please don't stop writing, you're really good at it.
Glad you published this. I’m having trouble wording what I want to say but what stands out is the contrast between the child who’s expected to perform a certain way and can’t quite do it and so at a great price achieves authenticity. And the professional performer who’s performance may have killed his own authentic self but has been rewarded with wealth and fame.
A couple of Christians have emailed me trying to argue that Mark Lowry is straight. It's really kind of sad. If they actually believed their "hate the sin love the sinner" rhetoric they would be making a hero out of him. He has done, to all appearances, exactly what fidelity to the Bible requires and by any reasonable standard he should be a role model. Instead they pretend it's not as obvious as the sun flaming in the sky.
This rings true for me, a gay man raised in a Christian household, but of a bit blander Christianity that did not preach sermons about sodomites even if they generally believed homosexuality was a sin. I do want to say (yes this is a #notall)--just as many gay men do not fit the stereotype, it is just possible Mark isn’t gay, maybe? Gayness isn’t always visibly detectable, and I’ve known some apparently happily married men with children I might swear were gay if I weren’t close enough to them and their family to really feel they truly desired their wives. I just feel a bit weird about not leaving a tiny bit of room for doubt, and do appreciate your last comments about the comedian neither coming out but also not marrying.
But what hits home to me the most is being a child that is marked by difference (whether because of abuse or because you’ve been cursed with being something that is unacceptable--and maybe in certain situations it’s much the same thing) and how it opens your eyes to the vast gulf between adults’ words and deeds.
Watch the linked videos and then let me know if you think my gaydar is off. I checked with two gay men because I knew Christians would email me saying no, no, it’s purely a coincidence that he’s fabulous, does drag, has never married despite being wealthy and famous. Yes, Holly, it’s a pure coincidence that a celebrity figure in a religion that teaches homosexuals should remain celibate has never married.
If he doesn’t set off your gaydar, I’ll be intrigued.
DOES DRAG??? The rest, lots of us are over a certain age and never married, for a variety of reasons, but that . . . (how does he get away with this, in that context? SEP.)
Okay--if he actually DOES DRAG, and it’s not just at Halloween, then ... yeah, I see your point. But for the record--“gaydar” isn’t always accurate--hence my comments about effeminate straight men (and in my own experience, people don’t seem to think I’m gay until I mention my husband and are often surprised that I don’t manifest the common behaviors). “Gaydar” may offer a clue but we’re close to the realm of irrational to believe it’s definitive proof.
Strangely, he doesn’t set off my “gaydar” as much as I expected. There are a couple of times in the “I’ve had enough video” where he smolders a bit, but I’m also a native Texan, and can tell by his accent and somewhat extravagant expression that he is an East Texan (hence far more influenced by speech patterns and accents of the Deep South than other regions in Texas)--and my college roommate who was aggressively straight had very similar speech patterns and could imitate his mamma pretty accurately, but he was definitely not someone you’d think was gay in other moments. Mark has a higher tessitura than my roommate, and the awful 80’s fashions are quite “gay” in the way much fashion from that era seems so now--but my gaydar doesn’t move past “medium possibility” for him.
I tried to find some reference to Mark doing drag but might not have looked in the right places. Do you have any links to that info?
I watched a ton of clips of him when I was writing this. He does full-on drag (wig, pantyhose, makeup, etc.) to do the "mama" character in two of them. I will reply again with the links later -- sorry, swamped tonight. A few other clues: the clip where he talks about the car accident (linked in the section about physical therapy near the end) talks about traveling with two other guys in a bus with one bed, and when he comments in an attempt to (in my opinion) feign being attracted to the candy striper who comes to get him in the hospital to take him to physical therapy, he comments on her "pepsodent grin." (Because when presented with a cute girl, straight men definitely comment on the high quality of her choice in grooming products first.)
I appreciate your perspective, but to me the final evidence is that he's unmarried, Christian, and in his 60s. He's wealthy, famous, and hilarious. The most likely reason for a man with money, fame, a sense of humor, and good looks to be perpetually single is if he believes the morally correct choice is to do so.
Could be. I'm not inside that culture, which looks about as exotic to me as I'm sure I do to them; but appreciate your letting me know more about what goes on inside of it and what certain things probably mean. Thanks for sharing.
This SO blew me away that I couldn't even respond for several days (and I'm usually on top it that).
The events, yes, obviously; and what goes on and is swept under the rug by Organized Religion (which I'm in, obviously, and if it looks bad from the pews it looks worse from the pulpit as I know what goes on and am there for those victimized in these exact says) -- horrific. (Also, if someone asserts something in the name of G-d that my gut knows is a lie, such as that this is what a child is supposed to submit to and better not speak up or out regarding, in the name of piety -- I'd say that's a pretty good working definition of "lifting up G-d's name for vanity" is the best I can translate it, and that is the ONLY commandment it says the A-mighty will NOT forgive as Spiritual Abuse really IS the worst violation.
But here's the kicker and I did not see this coming: That quote from Proverbs. I've been reading (and writing) Classical Hebrew since I was four (4) and am familiar with these texts, and that I did not recognize this one was odd. I looked it up. I know that the King James varies from the original in certain phrases, certain assumptions, and that it's political -- but that verse in the KJV is very far from what the original said. I also looked it up in "Jewish Publication Society" translation and theirs said the same.
I am even more shocked and horrified, now. (Not that we don't have problems of this nature in my own community -- we do and I insist that they be dealt with.) But that the BIBLE is made to read this way . . . in mine, There is no "blue". There is no CTA to batter children until they are bleeding and bruised (think: "Bastard Out Of Carolina -- that scene with Lyle Lovett and the predator gets from the uncles what he's been dishing out, is a good one). Again, not that we don't have problems -- but that this got INSTITUTIONALIZED is horrifying to me. I am SO sorry that somebody got abused on THAT level, in what sounds awfully like a "cult" even if it probably is a large denomination.
I'm writing in from the Buckle of the Bible Belt, btw; and can see how these things (religiosity) can go either way. Again: You can quote me on this, "Rabbi Karpov Sez: If it looks bad from the pews, it looks worse from the pulpit." Yech!
Thank you for writing. Thank you for letting it out. You help support the sanity of all of us and I am grateful.
Agreed. I was trying to make this funny, because when I think about it I mostly laugh, but so many of the actual facts are horrifying. William just mystified me. That’s easier to write.
I just can't imagine why you had any difficulty wringing a comedic tone from a story about how dreading the future abuse inherent in the immediate news earned you more immediate abuse for not reacting the way a neurotypical person who hadn't been abused might have...
See?! That was totally supposed to be ultra-dry British-style humor right there, and the horrible subject matter just makes rather a dog's breakfast of it, I'm afraid...
What a wonderful thing: to have a good friend who tells the truth. That is a kind of salvation, I think.
Yes it very much is.
I'm glad you overcame your nervousness to publish this story. Start to finish, your words create a vivid picture in my mind of the little girl, what she was thinking about, her reactions to something that was beyond her understanding, deeply confusing and frightening, trying to make sense of contradictions and the consequences they would bring to bear.
Your story also awakened a personal insight. This line "She knows what her mom is thinking and she knows what her mom will say. It’s so embarrassing to have such a spoiled brat . . ." That mom is me, and I am that little girl, browbeaten and shamed for the smallest errors, the silliest mistakes, for simply being human and imperfect. My self-talk rarely expresses kindness or approval.
I'm looking forward to more stories. Please keep sharing.
Giiiiiiiirl, tell me about it. I literally have a reminder set on my Habit app to do positive self-talk, 18 times a day. I've been doing that for about six months. Slowly, it's started to help.
Maybe I need something like that because I tell you it's pretty much just a constant litany of every way I have ever failed, going back to when I was like, ten, inside my heads. I must have extra stomachs, but I am definitely a ruminant... ;)
Man, was this good.
Your prose style is just right.
This means a lot, from you. Thank you. :-)
Yes. (Following you too, Mr. Slocum. Thank you for being a truth-teller. Thank you for helping put words to things that we may sense but can't quite string together and confront some real . . . I hate to use "preacher-talk," but Wickedness.) Looking forward to more.
Glad you two know each other -- before I realized you did, had been going to introduce the two of you. You're a light in a time of real insidious pervasive well-articulated well-marketed darkness; and I thank both of you.
Thank you:)
I speak the language of Wickedness, too, even though I'm not a believer. My view of the world lines up today much better with that of religious people who recognize good and evil and human nature than it does with other non-believers.
Thanks. Over the years, I'd have liked to have learnt more about atheism but couldn't penetrate that community's vituperative hostility. (Oh well, there are always books.) I can't think when I've used the word "wickedness" but recent postures actually drove me there yesterday. The flood of child-abuse, cloaked in Orwellian "affirming" language, is actually Mengelian (I just made up that word, then found it) and I am appalled that it took people this long to start speaking up. Thank you for being one.
You have a real gift for writing, you conveyed the feelings and thoughts and impressions so very well. And you captured the absolute maddening insanity of church politics so well I felt myself experiencing residual rage remembering what it was like growing up pentecostal. Please don't stop writing, you're really good at it.
Thank you! ❤️
Amen. Preach! (I'm surrounded by Southern Baptists and some of it's enjoyable . . . )
Man. So much with that "I was thinking about something too hard and didn't react correctly" bit. :-/
I love your writing, Holly. Always a treat. ❤️
Glad you published this. I’m having trouble wording what I want to say but what stands out is the contrast between the child who’s expected to perform a certain way and can’t quite do it and so at a great price achieves authenticity. And the professional performer who’s performance may have killed his own authentic self but has been rewarded with wealth and fame.
A couple of Christians have emailed me trying to argue that Mark Lowry is straight. It's really kind of sad. If they actually believed their "hate the sin love the sinner" rhetoric they would be making a hero out of him. He has done, to all appearances, exactly what fidelity to the Bible requires and by any reasonable standard he should be a role model. Instead they pretend it's not as obvious as the sun flaming in the sky.
You used the word "flaming." We caught that. Not without a sense of humor!
Yes. That's the word: Authenticity.
This rings true for me, a gay man raised in a Christian household, but of a bit blander Christianity that did not preach sermons about sodomites even if they generally believed homosexuality was a sin. I do want to say (yes this is a #notall)--just as many gay men do not fit the stereotype, it is just possible Mark isn’t gay, maybe? Gayness isn’t always visibly detectable, and I’ve known some apparently happily married men with children I might swear were gay if I weren’t close enough to them and their family to really feel they truly desired their wives. I just feel a bit weird about not leaving a tiny bit of room for doubt, and do appreciate your last comments about the comedian neither coming out but also not marrying.
But what hits home to me the most is being a child that is marked by difference (whether because of abuse or because you’ve been cursed with being something that is unacceptable--and maybe in certain situations it’s much the same thing) and how it opens your eyes to the vast gulf between adults’ words and deeds.
Watch the linked videos and then let me know if you think my gaydar is off. I checked with two gay men because I knew Christians would email me saying no, no, it’s purely a coincidence that he’s fabulous, does drag, has never married despite being wealthy and famous. Yes, Holly, it’s a pure coincidence that a celebrity figure in a religion that teaches homosexuals should remain celibate has never married.
If he doesn’t set off your gaydar, I’ll be intrigued.
DOES DRAG??? The rest, lots of us are over a certain age and never married, for a variety of reasons, but that . . . (how does he get away with this, in that context? SEP.)
Okay--if he actually DOES DRAG, and it’s not just at Halloween, then ... yeah, I see your point. But for the record--“gaydar” isn’t always accurate--hence my comments about effeminate straight men (and in my own experience, people don’t seem to think I’m gay until I mention my husband and are often surprised that I don’t manifest the common behaviors). “Gaydar” may offer a clue but we’re close to the realm of irrational to believe it’s definitive proof.
Strangely, he doesn’t set off my “gaydar” as much as I expected. There are a couple of times in the “I’ve had enough video” where he smolders a bit, but I’m also a native Texan, and can tell by his accent and somewhat extravagant expression that he is an East Texan (hence far more influenced by speech patterns and accents of the Deep South than other regions in Texas)--and my college roommate who was aggressively straight had very similar speech patterns and could imitate his mamma pretty accurately, but he was definitely not someone you’d think was gay in other moments. Mark has a higher tessitura than my roommate, and the awful 80’s fashions are quite “gay” in the way much fashion from that era seems so now--but my gaydar doesn’t move past “medium possibility” for him.
I tried to find some reference to Mark doing drag but might not have looked in the right places. Do you have any links to that info?
I watched a ton of clips of him when I was writing this. He does full-on drag (wig, pantyhose, makeup, etc.) to do the "mama" character in two of them. I will reply again with the links later -- sorry, swamped tonight. A few other clues: the clip where he talks about the car accident (linked in the section about physical therapy near the end) talks about traveling with two other guys in a bus with one bed, and when he comments in an attempt to (in my opinion) feign being attracted to the candy striper who comes to get him in the hospital to take him to physical therapy, he comments on her "pepsodent grin." (Because when presented with a cute girl, straight men definitely comment on the high quality of her choice in grooming products first.)
I appreciate your perspective, but to me the final evidence is that he's unmarried, Christian, and in his 60s. He's wealthy, famous, and hilarious. The most likely reason for a man with money, fame, a sense of humor, and good looks to be perpetually single is if he believes the morally correct choice is to do so.
Could be. I'm not inside that culture, which looks about as exotic to me as I'm sure I do to them; but appreciate your letting me know more about what goes on inside of it and what certain things probably mean. Thanks for sharing.
This SO blew me away that I couldn't even respond for several days (and I'm usually on top it that).
The events, yes, obviously; and what goes on and is swept under the rug by Organized Religion (which I'm in, obviously, and if it looks bad from the pews it looks worse from the pulpit as I know what goes on and am there for those victimized in these exact says) -- horrific. (Also, if someone asserts something in the name of G-d that my gut knows is a lie, such as that this is what a child is supposed to submit to and better not speak up or out regarding, in the name of piety -- I'd say that's a pretty good working definition of "lifting up G-d's name for vanity" is the best I can translate it, and that is the ONLY commandment it says the A-mighty will NOT forgive as Spiritual Abuse really IS the worst violation.
But here's the kicker and I did not see this coming: That quote from Proverbs. I've been reading (and writing) Classical Hebrew since I was four (4) and am familiar with these texts, and that I did not recognize this one was odd. I looked it up. I know that the King James varies from the original in certain phrases, certain assumptions, and that it's political -- but that verse in the KJV is very far from what the original said. I also looked it up in "Jewish Publication Society" translation and theirs said the same.
I am even more shocked and horrified, now. (Not that we don't have problems of this nature in my own community -- we do and I insist that they be dealt with.) But that the BIBLE is made to read this way . . . in mine, There is no "blue". There is no CTA to batter children until they are bleeding and bruised (think: "Bastard Out Of Carolina -- that scene with Lyle Lovett and the predator gets from the uncles what he's been dishing out, is a good one). Again, not that we don't have problems -- but that this got INSTITUTIONALIZED is horrifying to me. I am SO sorry that somebody got abused on THAT level, in what sounds awfully like a "cult" even if it probably is a large denomination.
I'm writing in from the Buckle of the Bible Belt, btw; and can see how these things (religiosity) can go either way. Again: You can quote me on this, "Rabbi Karpov Sez: If it looks bad from the pews, it looks worse from the pulpit." Yech!
Thank you for writing. Thank you for letting it out. You help support the sanity of all of us and I am grateful.