I don’t know many who can analyze the intersection of human nature, the current culture and their past trauma, and effectively (without drama or affectation) communicate the take aways in writing. As if that weren’t enough, you seamlessly weave in insights about the value of true friendship. I really appreciate your perspectives and your writing style.
Kickass. I know that healing always feels weird because people get so accustomed to not being well. Reacting to events differently will feel totally weird at first. But the more you notice you're healing and not reacting the way you used to, the better it gets. You'll start to become used to reacting in a more normal (healed) fashion.
But, of course, that won't stop other people who are stuck in victim mode from thinking you taking personal responsibility was somehow wrong. We just got to not care what those sorts of people think.
I decided to subscribe to your posts only to be able to tell you how I appreciate your writing. It's honest, rational, thoughtful, clear and wise. Just wanted to tell you: THANK YOU.
I'm so thankful to you for writing this because of the Mother's Day/Father's Day section! I was saying basically the same thing on Facebook and had people tell me how uncaring and unsympathetic I was because some people have issues with Mother's Day and Father's Day. However, I told them I had had five miscarriages between my first and second child and they weren't early they were anywhere from 1 month to 4 months. I had a father who was not kind and I won't go into details but I have been known to send Father's Day cards to people that I thought were a wonderful father figure! Same with Mother's Day cards. I totally agree with you that everything our society does these days just accentuates negatives instead of helping people to see through different eyes what might be there, like a father figure, a sister figure, or even a boss who behaves in a way that helps you learn. We should all be celebrating the positives in our lives instead of remembering and accentuating the negatives. I'm sharing this article with those people. Thank you!
You have learned a good lesson on responding to an event that is likely to happen quite rarely. It's a lesson worth learning and one that will instill in you the confidence needed if another such circumstance should occur. I hope that the next time a man who is a stranger to you offers to assist you, your first response won't be to automatically assume he's a predator, but to engage all your senses, including the common one, and employ caution as well as confidence as you determine whether or not to accept his offer.
Okay, but don't think you can get away with saying you know a joke that's too offensive for your audience because that just makes me want to hear it more
I agree with Josh, you handled it with an appropriate reaction, and you were appropriately angry. I can imagine my wife behaving exactly the same way. Although I would have wanted to find the guy...
It can either plug into your cigarette lighter, or you can run it off of a battery that also works in Dewalt cordless drills.
It has a PSI pre-set that lets you set the pressure you need, and it will automatically shut off when it's at that pressure. It's also very fast. It's a little pricey, but I think it's worth it to be able to pump up your tires anytime you need.
Wonderful! Might I suggest Brazilian jiujitsu? It's a martial art that teaches smaller people how to neutralize threats from bigger people. Doesn't work all the time, but it's a phenomenal workout, great community, and you can learn useful skills to keep in your back pocket.
I know you are getting high marks from everyone here, and I know you are mostly talking about emotional processing. But at the risk of drawing your ire, I have to say that if I were your father and you came home and related this story to me, I would have told you that you were damn foolish to tell a potential rapist that you were not armed. I would also have told you that you were right to trust your instincts that he did not appear to be a genuine threat, but that does not mean you do not maintain heightened situational awareness, especially at any time someone you do not know is angling to get within arm's reach. This could have ended very, very, badly.
Wow, the gamut of emotions indeed. As a man who will never remotely understand what this is like--both past and present events--and as someone who doesn't know you this is kinda impressive. Part of me wants to be indignant but the other part is not so presumptuous to think you don't got it covered, because you clearly do ☺
I have an 18-year-old daughter with whom I'll be sharing this post. It sounds like your reactions, both in the moment and in your reflecting on it afterward, were a model of health, appropriateness and good judgment.
Josh was correct that you'd also have been well within your rights to reset his facial expression with your open hand, but the fact that you'd have been justified doesn't mean you "should" have done it, and it sounds (I think) like you aren't judging yourself negatively for not doing so, which is good. Hopefully you'll never have to deal with a similar situation again, but if you do, having now thought about the option of tattooing your handprint on the guy's face and probably visualized having done so, you're in a position to decide in that moment whether belting him serves your best interest (based on your assessment of the situation such as size differential, whether other people are nearby, etc.) and to go ahead and let him have it if it does.
We've all had it drilled it into our heads for so long that "violence is never the answer" that for most people, those for whom it would never occur to us to grope someone, mug someone, etc., it becomes difficult to even entertain the possibility of hitting someone, regardless of what they're doing to us. I'm guessing that, as a result, even if we do decide to slap or punch someone who's taken liberties with us, it would be easy to subconsciously hold back and pull the punch / slap to some extent. I'm open to arguments against what I'm about to say, but I would propose that if you (the general "you") think about being in a similar situation at some point and you visualize your potential reactions, when you see yourself slapping him, slap him as hard as you can. I doubt any grown man ever got injured (in the sense of needing to be treated) from being slapped, but it can surely smart, and can also potentially stun someone for a couple of seconds, giving you a bit of extra time & space to make your exit.
What a great post! You should be so proud of yourself!
I don’t know many who can analyze the intersection of human nature, the current culture and their past trauma, and effectively (without drama or affectation) communicate the take aways in writing. As if that weren’t enough, you seamlessly weave in insights about the value of true friendship. I really appreciate your perspectives and your writing style.
Kickass. I know that healing always feels weird because people get so accustomed to not being well. Reacting to events differently will feel totally weird at first. But the more you notice you're healing and not reacting the way you used to, the better it gets. You'll start to become used to reacting in a more normal (healed) fashion.
But, of course, that won't stop other people who are stuck in victim mode from thinking you taking personal responsibility was somehow wrong. We just got to not care what those sorts of people think.
I decided to subscribe to your posts only to be able to tell you how I appreciate your writing. It's honest, rational, thoughtful, clear and wise. Just wanted to tell you: THANK YOU.
I'm so thankful to you for writing this because of the Mother's Day/Father's Day section! I was saying basically the same thing on Facebook and had people tell me how uncaring and unsympathetic I was because some people have issues with Mother's Day and Father's Day. However, I told them I had had five miscarriages between my first and second child and they weren't early they were anywhere from 1 month to 4 months. I had a father who was not kind and I won't go into details but I have been known to send Father's Day cards to people that I thought were a wonderful father figure! Same with Mother's Day cards. I totally agree with you that everything our society does these days just accentuates negatives instead of helping people to see through different eyes what might be there, like a father figure, a sister figure, or even a boss who behaves in a way that helps you learn. We should all be celebrating the positives in our lives instead of remembering and accentuating the negatives. I'm sharing this article with those people. Thank you!
You have learned a good lesson on responding to an event that is likely to happen quite rarely. It's a lesson worth learning and one that will instill in you the confidence needed if another such circumstance should occur. I hope that the next time a man who is a stranger to you offers to assist you, your first response won't be to automatically assume he's a predator, but to engage all your senses, including the common one, and employ caution as well as confidence as you determine whether or not to accept his offer.
Bravo! Bravo!
Resilience seems to have lost its value. You claimed yours.
Okay, but don't think you can get away with saying you know a joke that's too offensive for your audience because that just makes me want to hear it more
I agree with Josh, you handled it with an appropriate reaction, and you were appropriately angry. I can imagine my wife behaving exactly the same way. Although I would have wanted to find the guy...
Those gas station pumps are always a kind of a pain - even when they're not sucking down quarters. I've bought probably a half dozen air compressors of varying quality and I keep one in my car and another in my wife's car. The one I landed on: https://www.lowes.com/pd/DEWALT-110-Volt-Lithium-Ion-Li-Ion-Air-Inflator-Power-Source-Battery-Car-Electric/1000632717
It can either plug into your cigarette lighter, or you can run it off of a battery that also works in Dewalt cordless drills.
It has a PSI pre-set that lets you set the pressure you need, and it will automatically shut off when it's at that pressure. It's also very fast. It's a little pricey, but I think it's worth it to be able to pump up your tires anytime you need.
amazing levels of self awareness. thank you
Wonderful! Might I suggest Brazilian jiujitsu? It's a martial art that teaches smaller people how to neutralize threats from bigger people. Doesn't work all the time, but it's a phenomenal workout, great community, and you can learn useful skills to keep in your back pocket.
I know you are getting high marks from everyone here, and I know you are mostly talking about emotional processing. But at the risk of drawing your ire, I have to say that if I were your father and you came home and related this story to me, I would have told you that you were damn foolish to tell a potential rapist that you were not armed. I would also have told you that you were right to trust your instincts that he did not appear to be a genuine threat, but that does not mean you do not maintain heightened situational awareness, especially at any time someone you do not know is angling to get within arm's reach. This could have ended very, very, badly.
Wow, the gamut of emotions indeed. As a man who will never remotely understand what this is like--both past and present events--and as someone who doesn't know you this is kinda impressive. Part of me wants to be indignant but the other part is not so presumptuous to think you don't got it covered, because you clearly do ☺
Very well handled!
Welcome to the "I really should smack you upside the head but I'll choose to restrain myself" club. Your membership card is in the mail.
I have an 18-year-old daughter with whom I'll be sharing this post. It sounds like your reactions, both in the moment and in your reflecting on it afterward, were a model of health, appropriateness and good judgment.
Josh was correct that you'd also have been well within your rights to reset his facial expression with your open hand, but the fact that you'd have been justified doesn't mean you "should" have done it, and it sounds (I think) like you aren't judging yourself negatively for not doing so, which is good. Hopefully you'll never have to deal with a similar situation again, but if you do, having now thought about the option of tattooing your handprint on the guy's face and probably visualized having done so, you're in a position to decide in that moment whether belting him serves your best interest (based on your assessment of the situation such as size differential, whether other people are nearby, etc.) and to go ahead and let him have it if it does.
We've all had it drilled it into our heads for so long that "violence is never the answer" that for most people, those for whom it would never occur to us to grope someone, mug someone, etc., it becomes difficult to even entertain the possibility of hitting someone, regardless of what they're doing to us. I'm guessing that, as a result, even if we do decide to slap or punch someone who's taken liberties with us, it would be easy to subconsciously hold back and pull the punch / slap to some extent. I'm open to arguments against what I'm about to say, but I would propose that if you (the general "you") think about being in a similar situation at some point and you visualize your potential reactions, when you see yourself slapping him, slap him as hard as you can. I doubt any grown man ever got injured (in the sense of needing to be treated) from being slapped, but it can surely smart, and can also potentially stun someone for a couple of seconds, giving you a bit of extra time & space to make your exit.