My preferred technique whenever people ask my pronouns is to say “whatever makes you comfortable.”
This unbalances the person asking and I’ve almost always been told some variation of “this is to make you comfortable.”
This leaves several options for response.
“Having to state my pronouns makes me uncomfortable,” is one but I like “You can’t make me uncomfortable with the wrong pronouns.”
If I choose to I can elaborate, “My identity is mine. You being mistaken about it, which we both know is unlikely, isn’t going to change or harm what we both know I am. It would not offend me. So, please use whatever pronouns make you comfortable.”
I like this: "Having to state my pronouns makes me uncomfortable." It's simple, truthful, and with any luck forces some of these narcissists to reflect. Excellent.
I adopted (Human) as my preferred pronoun on LinkedIn. I have around 1200 connections I’ve curated over about 13 years in the banking, finance and professional services fields.
Not sure how well that is going over yet, but good thing I’m not currently looking for a new job.
I was reading a tweet earlier today about women being more woke because they like to nurture others. I saw a response to it that said, "so, women (smart ones who realize this) need to be the ones to defuse the woke ones. use the real version of powerful feminine leadership energy and flip the script on the herd based ones. They will listen to genuine women with palatable stories"
I responded with the stuff I said on Disaffected Podcast: children miswant to trans because they don't know what they actually want is to feel better emotionally, and cosmetic surgery can cause people to have higher suicidal ideation. I care for people, and that is where what I am saying comes from. I don't want children to be hurt (just like many of the women pushing trans ideology who incorrectly IMHO believe children will commit suicide if they don't trans).
In general, both sets of women want to protect children (supply your own not alls). We just have opposite ideas of how to do that.
So I share my reasons for wanting to protect children that goes against the woke reasons.
And you, in your own way, do this too. I shared your article here on twitter with the bit about PTSD being triggered. I would feel very uncomfortable sharing my pronouns with others even if I didn't have any sexual trauma, because that's just unnecessary personal information being spotlighted. It's the spotlight that's incredibly creepy and a bit abusive to require that of someone. You have given an excellent reason to not require this ritual.
Thank you, and thanks for sharing it. I think the nurturing instinct is a huge part of it, and showing the ways that Wokeness does harm is a very important part of fighting it. Some of it is being conflict-averse, which is understandable sometimes--the vast majority of human males could seriously hurt me if they wanted to, and activists get very angry about some of these issues. I avoid situations that lead to potential direct confrontations, especially with males. But there are many ways to fight that aren't necessarily direct conflict. One thing I do is get out of DEI stuff at work by performatively asking higher-ups "Do you want me to stop working on the (important thing that a lot of money rides on) to go to the meeting to learn how not to be racist, which is crucially important to our mission what with my nearest coworker being two time zones away, or keep working on the (important thing)?" They ALWAYS let me out of the DEI crap, which is an admission that it's stupid box-ticking that means nothing. That helps, too. I think *everything* helps, and it should be fought in every conceivable way.
Yes, I think everyone will find their own particular niche for how to "fight" in the most comfortable way for them. It's good to have multiple, personal, responses to fit the mood of whenever this comes up too.
Great suggestions. I particularly like the trolling instructions.
These are the responses I've used when encountering a pronoun ritual. They work for me because they suit my personality and I have little fear (that's not a criticism at anyone who has more fear):
1. "I do not participate in pronoun rituals. My name is Josh."
2. Q: "What are your pronouns?"
A: "The conventional ones that you have already assumed, and that everyone knows."
Remind me to tell you about the disability panel I sat on that was filled with masters degree students being trained to go out and be administrators in public schools. Holy shit.
I didn't include this in the essay for obvious reasons, but once I was in one of those *My My Mother Mode is Near the Surface* states when someone asked me. In some childish pique, I threw a histrionic fit and pretended (quite effectively, if I do say so myself) that I thought they were telling me I looked like a man and that I was deeply, deeply wounded by their body-shaming and body-policing. I had them stuttering apologies before I was done. *snickering, but still a little ashamed*
Mar 10, 2023·edited Mar 10, 2023Liked by Holly MathNerd
Or, for an old guy (67) like me, another possible response is "In my day, that was considered to be an impolite question." And, then, if pressed: "I still consider it to be an impolite question, please don't ask me again."
Or, younger people could just go with "I consider that to be an impolite question, please don't ask me again."
I have a toddler and I get nauseous thinking about the pronoun-rituals to come. I am pretty sure I’ll snap and rant so I should really spend some time working on my scripts.
God, I cannot imagine having such a young child. The whole world will be trying to convince him or her that his or her eyes are wrong, he or she can only tell men from women by ASKING. It's *sick*. You're going to have a lot of work to do to fight that off. Wow.
Mar 10, 2023·edited Mar 10, 2023Liked by Holly MathNerd
Yes it’s terrifying. But most of the time I remember that it’s the most important work I can be doing.
I’m one of those proud “product of public-schools” former progressives and now I am designing my future life around needing to homeschool our son. At our first little toddler playgroup there was a two year old boy who was described by his mother with she/her pronouns. Two Years Old! When I think what it will be like when he's five ... or ten?
I don't think I could keep a straight face while directly trolling by continually flipping the pronoun badge over randomly while someone is talking to me, but it might be fun to make people use "she / her" with my 6'5" linebacker built, foot long grey-bearded self. Maybe while wearing a shirt that says "Feel Free To Call Me Out On This Bullshit".
A doctor rushes to the side of a patient who has just collapsed on the way to the toilets in the emergency wing. He checks for signs of life—pulse, circulation, breathing. He has never seen the patient before. How serious, he wonders, could this be? The doctor calls out: “Does anyone know anything about her?” The senior nurse, who has just come over, looks shocked.
“Him!” she practically shouts at the doctor. “You refer to that patient as him!”
And the doctor thinks to himself: “So I’m supposed to check the patient’s pronouns before I check his pulse.”
My knowledge of Turkish (or Nigerian or ...) first names is not good enough that I can necessarily tell if someone is male or female by the name. I know they can't always tell mine because I've seen them refer to me (Francis, male) as "her" or "she" in emails to others. Note that I failed to get all worked up about being mispronouned, neither did the Turkish lady I ended up calling "he" in another similar situation.
I have a gendered name, and I don't even get bent out of shape when people misspell it and make it feminine. I'm just *that* comfortable with my masculinity. ;)
Saying “my pronouns are personal” is my tongue-in-cheek response that says absolutely nothing (what they’ve asked me for are known as _personal pronouns_, after all), and it also says everything (“F.U. and this question”).
Oh my god I LOVE the idea of getting a pronoun badge and then changing your pronouns every few hours! Hilarious! I can't believe that I haven't tried that already. The only problem would be that it would be much too difficult to keep a straight face. Ha!
I work in the public education system so I encounter the pronoun ritual constantly. My current way of handling it is, "My name is Emma and I am a conscientious objector to the pronoun ritual".
My preferred technique whenever people ask my pronouns is to say “whatever makes you comfortable.”
This unbalances the person asking and I’ve almost always been told some variation of “this is to make you comfortable.”
This leaves several options for response.
“Having to state my pronouns makes me uncomfortable,” is one but I like “You can’t make me uncomfortable with the wrong pronouns.”
If I choose to I can elaborate, “My identity is mine. You being mistaken about it, which we both know is unlikely, isn’t going to change or harm what we both know I am. It would not offend me. So, please use whatever pronouns make you comfortable.”
I like this: "Having to state my pronouns makes me uncomfortable." It's simple, truthful, and with any luck forces some of these narcissists to reflect. Excellent.
I like that one too. I think from a white male mine is more effective. None of these people actually care about making me uncomfortable. 😂
Starting a new job, and thus, going through orientation tomorrow. I may very well need to use this line.
*le sigh*
I'm about as obviously male as Hagrid. Similar build, similar beard. If anyone asks, they're being intentionally stupid.
I wish you luck.
Thanks!
I adopted (Human) as my preferred pronoun on LinkedIn. I have around 1200 connections I’ve curated over about 13 years in the banking, finance and professional services fields.
Not sure how well that is going over yet, but good thing I’m not currently looking for a new job.
That's what I always fill in a "Race" blank with.
I was reading a tweet earlier today about women being more woke because they like to nurture others. I saw a response to it that said, "so, women (smart ones who realize this) need to be the ones to defuse the woke ones. use the real version of powerful feminine leadership energy and flip the script on the herd based ones. They will listen to genuine women with palatable stories"
I responded with the stuff I said on Disaffected Podcast: children miswant to trans because they don't know what they actually want is to feel better emotionally, and cosmetic surgery can cause people to have higher suicidal ideation. I care for people, and that is where what I am saying comes from. I don't want children to be hurt (just like many of the women pushing trans ideology who incorrectly IMHO believe children will commit suicide if they don't trans).
In general, both sets of women want to protect children (supply your own not alls). We just have opposite ideas of how to do that.
So I share my reasons for wanting to protect children that goes against the woke reasons.
And you, in your own way, do this too. I shared your article here on twitter with the bit about PTSD being triggered. I would feel very uncomfortable sharing my pronouns with others even if I didn't have any sexual trauma, because that's just unnecessary personal information being spotlighted. It's the spotlight that's incredibly creepy and a bit abusive to require that of someone. You have given an excellent reason to not require this ritual.
Thank you, and thanks for sharing it. I think the nurturing instinct is a huge part of it, and showing the ways that Wokeness does harm is a very important part of fighting it. Some of it is being conflict-averse, which is understandable sometimes--the vast majority of human males could seriously hurt me if they wanted to, and activists get very angry about some of these issues. I avoid situations that lead to potential direct confrontations, especially with males. But there are many ways to fight that aren't necessarily direct conflict. One thing I do is get out of DEI stuff at work by performatively asking higher-ups "Do you want me to stop working on the (important thing that a lot of money rides on) to go to the meeting to learn how not to be racist, which is crucially important to our mission what with my nearest coworker being two time zones away, or keep working on the (important thing)?" They ALWAYS let me out of the DEI crap, which is an admission that it's stupid box-ticking that means nothing. That helps, too. I think *everything* helps, and it should be fought in every conceivable way.
Yes, I think everyone will find their own particular niche for how to "fight" in the most comfortable way for them. It's good to have multiple, personal, responses to fit the mood of whenever this comes up too.
Great suggestions. I particularly like the trolling instructions.
These are the responses I've used when encountering a pronoun ritual. They work for me because they suit my personality and I have little fear (that's not a criticism at anyone who has more fear):
1. "I do not participate in pronoun rituals. My name is Josh."
2. Q: "What are your pronouns?"
A: "The conventional ones that you have already assumed, and that everyone knows."
Remind me to tell you about the disability panel I sat on that was filled with masters degree students being trained to go out and be administrators in public schools. Holy shit.
I didn't include this in the essay for obvious reasons, but once I was in one of those *My My Mother Mode is Near the Surface* states when someone asked me. In some childish pique, I threw a histrionic fit and pretended (quite effectively, if I do say so myself) that I thought they were telling me I looked like a man and that I was deeply, deeply wounded by their body-shaming and body-policing. I had them stuttering apologies before I was done. *snickering, but still a little ashamed*
LOLOL
"What are your pronouns?"
"Don't be fucking retarded."
If I'm ever asked, I'm going to say my pronouns are "Bossman/Master." I'm a white male, so I'm sure it'll go over real well.
I like "your royal majesty".
Or, for an old guy (67) like me, another possible response is "In my day, that was considered to be an impolite question." And, then, if pressed: "I still consider it to be an impolite question, please don't ask me again."
Or, younger people could just go with "I consider that to be an impolite question, please don't ask me again."
Along those lines I had considered "Trump Is Awesome".
"What, not gonna say it?"
I think my honest answer will be “Being coerced makes me very uncomfortable.”
As a white guy retired from the military, my troll response is “Call me ‘Sir’.”
Both tactics are great especially the second one for women who identify as what they are.
I have a toddler and I get nauseous thinking about the pronoun-rituals to come. I am pretty sure I’ll snap and rant so I should really spend some time working on my scripts.
God, I cannot imagine having such a young child. The whole world will be trying to convince him or her that his or her eyes are wrong, he or she can only tell men from women by ASKING. It's *sick*. You're going to have a lot of work to do to fight that off. Wow.
Yes it’s terrifying. But most of the time I remember that it’s the most important work I can be doing.
I’m one of those proud “product of public-schools” former progressives and now I am designing my future life around needing to homeschool our son. At our first little toddler playgroup there was a two year old boy who was described by his mother with she/her pronouns. Two Years Old! When I think what it will be like when he's five ... or ten?
I don't think I could keep a straight face while directly trolling by continually flipping the pronoun badge over randomly while someone is talking to me, but it might be fun to make people use "she / her" with my 6'5" linebacker built, foot long grey-bearded self. Maybe while wearing a shirt that says "Feel Free To Call Me Out On This Bullshit".
"My pronouns are Fuck / You."
On the pronoun front - this seems relevant:
https://compactmag.com/article/the-thing-that-swallowed-britain
quote:
A doctor rushes to the side of a patient who has just collapsed on the way to the toilets in the emergency wing. He checks for signs of life—pulse, circulation, breathing. He has never seen the patient before. How serious, he wonders, could this be? The doctor calls out: “Does anyone know anything about her?” The senior nurse, who has just come over, looks shocked.
“Him!” she practically shouts at the doctor. “You refer to that patient as him!”
And the doctor thinks to himself: “So I’m supposed to check the patient’s pronouns before I check his pulse.”
Also can we possibly exit this timeline where Piers Morgan is a voice of reason:
https://www.theblaze.com/news/piers-morgan-identify-black-lesbianpiers-morgan-identify-black-lesbian
'Why can't I identify as a black lesbian?' Piers Morgan highlights the absurdity of radical gender ideology
As I wrote here - https://tomknighton.substack.com/p/this-is-why-the-pronoun-thing-is/comment/13370241 - as a comment on another substack on the same basic topic, the only time I see the pronoun thing being remotely useful is in email communications with people in foreign parts.
My knowledge of Turkish (or Nigerian or ...) first names is not good enough that I can necessarily tell if someone is male or female by the name. I know they can't always tell mine because I've seen them refer to me (Francis, male) as "her" or "she" in emails to others. Note that I failed to get all worked up about being mispronouned, neither did the Turkish lady I ended up calling "he" in another similar situation.
I have a gendered name, and I don't even get bent out of shape when people misspell it and make it feminine. I'm just *that* comfortable with my masculinity. ;)
Saying “my pronouns are personal” is my tongue-in-cheek response that says absolutely nothing (what they’ve asked me for are known as _personal pronouns_, after all), and it also says everything (“F.U. and this question”).
Oh my god I LOVE the idea of getting a pronoun badge and then changing your pronouns every few hours! Hilarious! I can't believe that I haven't tried that already. The only problem would be that it would be much too difficult to keep a straight face. Ha!
I work in the public education system so I encounter the pronoun ritual constantly. My current way of handling it is, "My name is Emma and I am a conscientious objector to the pronoun ritual".