On Gratitude
and recent blessings
One of my goals for 2022 is to expand my awareness and practice of gratitude in my life. Here are a few things that have blessed me lately, and might bless you, too. I’ve tweeted about a few of them, but I have more to say about them than fits in a tweet. And some of you aren’t on Twitter.
1: Reading 1984
I thought it would take me one day to read this book. A week into it, I am finding that each chapter requires a day or two to absorb. Orwell was writing prophecy, and despite this book being widely read for decades, our media, government, and other institutions seem to have no self-awareness about the extent to which they are turning its fictional precepts into our daily reality. I am tweeting after each chapter and will write an essay about it when I’m done.
Have you read 1984 lately? Do you see the parallels that I see? I’m way behind on answering email (though I’m up to date on reading it) but I would love to hear your thoughts and know the parallels you see. Send me an email and share your insights (hollymathnerd at gmail dot com).
2: The 2022 Stoic Challenge Group
One of my goals in 2022 is to study and practice stoicism daily. To that end, I started a group (it has a Twitter presence here and you can email stoic2022challenge at gmail dot com to get a Discord invite; read more about the challenge here). There are many days when I just read the discussion, but whether I’m reading or participating, knowing that there are others reading the Stoics, working on practicing Stoic principles, and at least trying to approach life with a philosophical mindset has been an enormous blessing. I am experiencing myself as part of a community in a way that is much more meaningful than the usual way that word is used in 2022 — the identity-based nonsense.
3: Finding Pieces of Things I Missed
There are times when I recognize I could benefit from having a parent of whom to seek the wisdom of age and experience. This used to make me angry—typically at myself, for wanting something unavailable to me, and then I’d get angry at myself for getting angry at myself, and a sick spiral of negative emotionality would start—but I’ve slowly found ways to introduce bits and pieces of these things into my life.
One of my guilty pleasures is a TLC reality show called “Sister Wives.” It’s about a fundamentalist Mormon family (of the modern sort, whose daughters wear jeans and go to college, not of the prairie-dress-wearing, underage brides sort). The husband is a narcissistic train wreck, but the four wives and all their kids are wonderful. The best mom of the four (in my humble opinion) is Christine. She was a stay-at-home mom when the kids were young, raising all the kids, not just the ones she gave birth to, and they’re all devoted to her well into their adulthoods. It’s easy to see why; she is authentic, loving, accepting, and an ideal role model.
The Cameo service is one that an amazing number of celebrities use. You pay a fee and submit a request, and you get back a personalized video, which can be public or private, your choice. Christine is on Cameo (she charges a very reasonable $35). Three times now, I’ve sent her a request for “Mom advice” and a question. She sends back these wonderful, thoughtful, edifying answers, that I can play many times and really absorb the wisdom of her experience.
If there’s ever been a celebrity, even a minor one like a reality TV star, who you thought was interesting or had something worthwhile to say; or perhaps you have a friend who is a fan of a movie or TV show and could use a really special pick-me-up (“pep talk” is one of their pre-defined categories of video request) —check out Cameo.
4: Cooking Fancy Meals
As I am insanely busy (with a full-time job and several side hustles, including this Substack, as I am determined to pay off my student loans as quickly as possible) my culinary habits are strange. I often eat simple microwave fare, like Chef Boyardee or frozen dinners. But at least three times a week, I cook. I cook two or three portions, to have leftovers, of something elaborate—a protein with a homemade sauce, one or two vegetables, and a high-quality carb side, like jasmine rice or couscous. This is profoundly helpful in ways that might be particular to me, but might also be helpful to some of you.
It has taken me a long time and a lot of personal growth to get to a place in life where I am comfortable using the L word. There are four people in my life now I can easily say “I love you” to, which is flat-out miraculous. As one of them put it once, using that word is “taking the safety off.” There is real vulnerability there, but it is actually safe for me now, which is a lot bigger blessing than I ever really thought I would know. (And I am so grateful.)
Before I got to a place where the idea that I could tell someone I loved them without their being horrified or disgusted was reality, if I wanted to express love, I would….cook.
Now I cook for me. If you’ve never cooked for someone you love (or if, like me for so long, you’ve only ever cooked for people you love, but not for yourself), I highly recommend it. Preparing a good meal consciously and with the expression of love as a goal is a deeply edifying experience. Give it a try.
5: My Most Recent Essay’s Reception
My most recent essay, which (despite being 11,000 words in length) now has close to four times more readers than any previous essay and has been translated into Portugese (with a German translation in progress) was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was better received than I could possibly have imagined, reaching people who, like me, survived a pedophile’s abuse in their own childhoods. But it also reached people whose fathers were pedophiles (some of whom abused the people who wrote to me, and some of whom did not); people in heartbreaking situations where one of their children was assaulted by a pedophile and it only came to light when that same child reacted by assaulting a younger sibling; people who were able to spot red flags indicating that an adult needed to be watched more closely around their own children; and many others.
The ability to touch people’s lives in a positive way through that essay is one of the greatest gifts of my life, second only to the love of my inner circle of good friends. Thank you so much for reading, sharing, and writing to me about your experiences.
One of Dr. Jordan Peterson’s tenets is that the more responsibility you take on, the more meaningful your life becomes. I doubted this. I doubt it no longer.
Gratitude Is Powerful
The conscious practice of gratitude is a powerful tool for mental and emotional health, one I cannot recommend highly enough. Thank you for reading this and letting me share my gratitude with you!