WOW. I thought your last essay was powerful, but this one really hits home. I have a friend who was suicidal some years back, and hostile to seeking any professional help. I think I helped them as best I could, but I wish I’d had this to read. Thankfully, they’re still here.
It felt like such a crushing responsibility at the time, I can’t imagine having done it multiple times. I’m in awe of your compassion and resilience.
Everyone I know who lives alone or is under 30, and certainly both, is dangerously depressed now. (I am too, minus the "dangerously"). Every government official or doctor announcing that the vaccine won't end the pandemic makes it worse. I'm sending up frequent atheist prayers ("Nobody's listening, but just in case I'm wrong....") that they knock that shit off.
As I say all the following, I cant imagine going through this with 5 different people in the past 50 days. You have remarkable resources.I am worried about someone who has done increasingly destructive things over the past two years and is now drinking daily to incoherence. Woke up this morning to 3 missed calls in the overnight and texted back to no answer. Anxious feeling hoping he is ok. Apparently all his 12-step options are zoom based and he has run out of 2 rehabs in the past 6 months. I've been running out of things to say to help him through. Everything feels tired and exhausted... I also see this person in my life and am alternatively humbled and scared. He is smarter (PhD Physics) and better than I am on many fronts. Whatever accidents that have led him to this place are just that - accidents. Could just as easily be me or anyone else. In some moments feels like not if but when. "Keep breathing" is excellent advice, though. Stay well!
I cannot fathom Zoom-based 12 step stuff. I cry every single time I think about how grateful I am that my therapist refused to move to Zoom. When I was sick we had to do a few sessions that way and it was so entirely different. Better than nothing, but nowhere near as helpful or powerful as an in-person session. It is heartbreaking that we're putting people at risk of death from addiction or suicide to protect them from a virus that has a 99%+ survival rate. A crime against humanity. I hope your friend makes it.
I don't know if anyone will see this but if I could ask a question?
The talk about staying alive to prevent harm amongst the people you care about, how do you let them know? How do you answer their questions when they ask how you are doing, or if you are ok, and you dont want to give them the whole talk about how bad you really are but at the same time want them to know just how valuable they are and that they are part of the reason you can't go through with it? I've had several family members ask questions that make me think they are figuring out how close ive been and I don't know how to answer without feeling like im either burdening them or making it seem like im dependent on them. Any advice would be useful.
First, I'm glad you left a comment and I'm very glad you're still here. I would suggest talking to the calmest, most level-headed family member you have, one on one, in person if at all possible, and having concrete actions they can take ready. They will be very concerned, because they love you, and if they've suspected, they may feel worried that they should've said something already. Some ideas: if you have a firearm, ask them to either hold it for you or help you find a safe place to store it (your local police will likely do this if you ask and have no better option). Ask them to help you find a therapist. Ask them if they can make time to check in with you for fifteen minutes once a day. If one-on-one isn't doable, then write your thoughts and feelings out clearly. The most important things to communicate are that you're not in danger of acting on your impulses (if you're not; if you are, ask them to help you keep yourself safe) and that there are specific things they can do to help you. If I had a family, especially one nearby, I would ask for time and hugs. It would be embarrassing, but when one is in enough pain, embarrassing ceases to be a factor. (I mean that literally; I would say, "The best thing you can do that would help me a lot is have dinner at my place once a week and give me a couple of hugs while you're here.") I hope this is helpful and I'm VERY glad you're here. Please, read Stay by Jennifer Michael Hecht -- if you can't afford it, leave me an email address and I'll buy you the Kindle version and send it right away.
And I have to say, despite the warning at the beginning not to take this tone with anyone but oneself, I found the tone of this post rather mild. A little snarky, but mild. Either you sanitized this for public consumption, or you have good control over your inner critic.
WOW. I thought your last essay was powerful, but this one really hits home. I have a friend who was suicidal some years back, and hostile to seeking any professional help. I think I helped them as best I could, but I wish I’d had this to read. Thankfully, they’re still here.
It felt like such a crushing responsibility at the time, I can’t imagine having done it multiple times. I’m in awe of your compassion and resilience.
Everyone I know who lives alone or is under 30, and certainly both, is dangerously depressed now. (I am too, minus the "dangerously"). Every government official or doctor announcing that the vaccine won't end the pandemic makes it worse. I'm sending up frequent atheist prayers ("Nobody's listening, but just in case I'm wrong....") that they knock that shit off.
Thanks for your kind words. :)
Loved it. And it was actually helpful for me at the moment.
Thank you for telling me this. Hang in there. Maybe we can class action sue the Biden admin and make bank.
As I say all the following, I cant imagine going through this with 5 different people in the past 50 days. You have remarkable resources.I am worried about someone who has done increasingly destructive things over the past two years and is now drinking daily to incoherence. Woke up this morning to 3 missed calls in the overnight and texted back to no answer. Anxious feeling hoping he is ok. Apparently all his 12-step options are zoom based and he has run out of 2 rehabs in the past 6 months. I've been running out of things to say to help him through. Everything feels tired and exhausted... I also see this person in my life and am alternatively humbled and scared. He is smarter (PhD Physics) and better than I am on many fronts. Whatever accidents that have led him to this place are just that - accidents. Could just as easily be me or anyone else. In some moments feels like not if but when. "Keep breathing" is excellent advice, though. Stay well!
I cannot fathom Zoom-based 12 step stuff. I cry every single time I think about how grateful I am that my therapist refused to move to Zoom. When I was sick we had to do a few sessions that way and it was so entirely different. Better than nothing, but nowhere near as helpful or powerful as an in-person session. It is heartbreaking that we're putting people at risk of death from addiction or suicide to protect them from a virus that has a 99%+ survival rate. A crime against humanity. I hope your friend makes it.
I don't know if anyone will see this but if I could ask a question?
The talk about staying alive to prevent harm amongst the people you care about, how do you let them know? How do you answer their questions when they ask how you are doing, or if you are ok, and you dont want to give them the whole talk about how bad you really are but at the same time want them to know just how valuable they are and that they are part of the reason you can't go through with it? I've had several family members ask questions that make me think they are figuring out how close ive been and I don't know how to answer without feeling like im either burdening them or making it seem like im dependent on them. Any advice would be useful.
First, I'm glad you left a comment and I'm very glad you're still here. I would suggest talking to the calmest, most level-headed family member you have, one on one, in person if at all possible, and having concrete actions they can take ready. They will be very concerned, because they love you, and if they've suspected, they may feel worried that they should've said something already. Some ideas: if you have a firearm, ask them to either hold it for you or help you find a safe place to store it (your local police will likely do this if you ask and have no better option). Ask them to help you find a therapist. Ask them if they can make time to check in with you for fifteen minutes once a day. If one-on-one isn't doable, then write your thoughts and feelings out clearly. The most important things to communicate are that you're not in danger of acting on your impulses (if you're not; if you are, ask them to help you keep yourself safe) and that there are specific things they can do to help you. If I had a family, especially one nearby, I would ask for time and hugs. It would be embarrassing, but when one is in enough pain, embarrassing ceases to be a factor. (I mean that literally; I would say, "The best thing you can do that would help me a lot is have dinner at my place once a week and give me a couple of hugs while you're here.") I hope this is helpful and I'm VERY glad you're here. Please, read Stay by Jennifer Michael Hecht -- if you can't afford it, leave me an email address and I'll buy you the Kindle version and send it right away.
I'll look into the book, thank you for the advice as well
Very nice.
And I have to say, despite the warning at the beginning not to take this tone with anyone but oneself, I found the tone of this post rather mild. A little snarky, but mild. Either you sanitized this for public consumption, or you have good control over your inner critic.