Bravo, Holly. It may feel weird at first, as if something important is missing. But that doesn’t mean you will miss it. I didn’t.
And this: “One way that the actual misogynists reveal themselves is by letting the mask drop in moments of disagreement, particularly with women.” My experience exactly. Apparently, if you’re a woman you must agree 100% of the time, even though such behavior in a male reader would be considered slavish and disgusting.
Strangely, I understand exactly how you feel, and why. While I've never been as involved in politics as you have, my need to stay "in the know" always pulled me back into the sewer. Your trauma has made me realize what a shitshow most of the social media have become and what they can do to me if I allow it.
At 75, the most important things to me are the wellbeing of my family and the few friends I still have. If I can have a positive effect on them, I'll be pleased.
Thanks for setting me straight, whether knowingly or not!
Sometimes we just do something from a different, unknown place that knows better than your conscious mind. For example, I once watched as my body avoided an impending car accident I didn't see a way out of. In your case it sounds to me like both conscious and unconscious factors alined - and bang it was done. The way was clear. Well done!
I too have noticed a sudden upsurge in vicious misogyny, as well as some better open discussion of how things go wrong between the sexes. As an old man, I particularly approve of men looking at things like their porn usage and NOT becoming bitter toward women but trying to confront their own projections on women and admit how they enslave themselves. Things are really churning right now and there are a remarkable number of young men who have had no initiation into the role of responsible adult. I know exactly why Jordan Peterson tears up when he talks about the young men who come up to him who have turned their lives around who have become productive adults instead of destructive children.
Yes. It's a lot harder for young men to become responsible adults than young women. I don't know why. Boys seem to need a particular type of guidance that many of them aren't getting in a way that many girls don't. Likely it just has something to do with hormones that are particularly active at certain ages. I remember when I was about 5 years after the full onset of puberty that I noticed, in a way that I was aware of, that a lot of things had just calmed down. I was a lot less emotional and a lot of things seemed less urgent. I got a job when I was 15 at a grocery store, and most of the girls from 16 or 17 onward worked like adults. Almost none of the boys did until about 22 or 23. I don't have an overarching explanation, but I do think that in the same way puberty is harder on girls than boys (your body becomes more difficult to manage and you become less capable of defending yourself simultaneously with becoming a constant object of male attention vs you become taller, stronger, and less vulnerable) that the transition to adulthood is harder/more difficult for boys than girls.
Yes you owe the algorithm absolutely nothing. The algorithm exists to trigger you. That is its prime directive, and it is constantly optimising for that. You have no obligation to put your head in a predator’s jaws, or let parasites into your body. None.
Holly this is going to be nurturing for your mental health. I think all of us need to move way from this short form blitz into long form, into more contemplative and thoughtful writing. And, absolutely, to go out into the real world. It’s what we all need to do. It’s going to be great for you.
Yay! Holly, you’ve done something life-affirming and wise. “I am allowed to recognize what is toxic — and step away.” This is the path to balance, contentment, and a pleasurable life. Replace something that isn’t serving you well with something that is. Read history instead of Twitter - it will give you endless issues to ponder and wisdom to acquire. And you know what else? It actually works really well to allow yourself to do FUN things. If you love constructing Legos, but it’s a guilty pleasure, do it anyway. If it sparks a sense of anticipation to get up on a Saturday morning and put together Legos for two hours, do it! You are feeding your creativity and joy, and that is the pathway to a happy life!
I want to permanently leave Facebook and YouTube, and stop reading Notes here on Substack. I’m not ready to leave yet; however, your series really opened my eyes. I can’t unsee. (I thank the gods I never really got involved with Twitter.)
I look forward to reading your new subjects. The Federalist Papers are rewarding, as well as Madison’s notes on the debates surrounding the formation of our Constitution. I dipped into these during the semester I took a US History class at a community college in my 50s.
Holly, the first thought that came to mind was “It’s working,” in reference to the prayers that have been sent up for you. Not specific, but general, for your best to be done. I will continue in that same way: for your best.
That Vermont project sounds interesting; I have been to Vermont twice, once driving through, and previously spending a couple of days in Bennington. You might want to check out the WWII vehicles museum, if it’s still there. It has been a while (2013) since I visited.
I look forward to what the “new and improved” Holly comes up with next.
I'm glad that you're disengaging from the "condemnation/self-justification" discourse that seems to have metastasized from politicians, "news" media and activists to most people on social media. Like you said, it's addicting, and it sells! It is liberating to see through the surface triggers to the underlying compulsions driving the whole phenomenon. Liberating but also isolating, especially if social media is one's main arena of engagement. Social media requires blurbs of expression and those so often beg for more nuance to be interjected. Yet, the myopia so evident in the expressions tells you that the person posting it has made a choice to see things the way they want to see them and are not going to respond kindly to someone offering nuance. That's just challenging the legitimacy of what they have given themselves to. Maintain your in-person relationships!
I have started reading presidential biographies as well. After I read Hamilton by Ron Cernow, (I know he wasn't a president), I read John Adams. Then one titled "The Scourge of War" about General Sherman and the civil war. Then I decided to start at the beginning. It's been interesting. One take away already is that we are not that much nastier in politics now than in the 1770's. It is just easier to find the nastiness. I just watched a series on Fox Nation where they had a short (20-45 mins.), overview of all the presidents. It was fascinating to see what each entered office having to deal with. Enjoy. I am halfway through Washington by Ron Cernow, and I'm wondering how in the world we are going to win this war!? Thanks for writing. You are so good at what you do.
I'm so happy for you. I know the feeling of "it doesn't matter what happens to you" and, for what it's worth, I think walking away from Twitter (or any person or environment that reminds you of that cruelty) is strength.
I am looking forward to reading your history essays. You may not be looking for recommendations, but just in case - "His Excellency" by Joseph Ellis is a great George Washington biography.
I stepped back from social media (and news) more the past few weeks and when I popped into Notes I saw people outraged about things that I had not seen and knew none of the context and I learned that you have to actually do research to figure out why people are upset or risk them getting upset with you if you tried to respond without context.
I had absolutely no desire to check into the news to see why they were so upset so I just logged out again. It just made me realize how that sort of thing (social media discourse) requires you to stay on the platform or tuned into the news to learn more so you know what the current topic is.
That can be exhausting.
It's not right for people to do that to themselves. It's much better to step away and focus on their personal (in the "real world" lives).
When COVID was going on, and they kept talking about the "new normal" I kept thinking, "I'm not getting accustomed to this!" People are doing shitty things and I want nothing to do with it. So it was weird, and kept me unique, but I would not become like others and pretend staying inside and away from people was okay.
Yes, this is a matter of self-love, enforcing a boundary, realizing that you want something better for yourself, and will not become accustomed to toxicity. That's a sign of growth in my book.
Bravo, Holly. It may feel weird at first, as if something important is missing. But that doesn’t mean you will miss it. I didn’t.
And this: “One way that the actual misogynists reveal themselves is by letting the mask drop in moments of disagreement, particularly with women.” My experience exactly. Apparently, if you’re a woman you must agree 100% of the time, even though such behavior in a male reader would be considered slavish and disgusting.
Strangely, I understand exactly how you feel, and why. While I've never been as involved in politics as you have, my need to stay "in the know" always pulled me back into the sewer. Your trauma has made me realize what a shitshow most of the social media have become and what they can do to me if I allow it.
At 75, the most important things to me are the wellbeing of my family and the few friends I still have. If I can have a positive effect on them, I'll be pleased.
Thanks for setting me straight, whether knowingly or not!
Sometimes we just do something from a different, unknown place that knows better than your conscious mind. For example, I once watched as my body avoided an impending car accident I didn't see a way out of. In your case it sounds to me like both conscious and unconscious factors alined - and bang it was done. The way was clear. Well done!
I too have noticed a sudden upsurge in vicious misogyny, as well as some better open discussion of how things go wrong between the sexes. As an old man, I particularly approve of men looking at things like their porn usage and NOT becoming bitter toward women but trying to confront their own projections on women and admit how they enslave themselves. Things are really churning right now and there are a remarkable number of young men who have had no initiation into the role of responsible adult. I know exactly why Jordan Peterson tears up when he talks about the young men who come up to him who have turned their lives around who have become productive adults instead of destructive children.
Yes. It's a lot harder for young men to become responsible adults than young women. I don't know why. Boys seem to need a particular type of guidance that many of them aren't getting in a way that many girls don't. Likely it just has something to do with hormones that are particularly active at certain ages. I remember when I was about 5 years after the full onset of puberty that I noticed, in a way that I was aware of, that a lot of things had just calmed down. I was a lot less emotional and a lot of things seemed less urgent. I got a job when I was 15 at a grocery store, and most of the girls from 16 or 17 onward worked like adults. Almost none of the boys did until about 22 or 23. I don't have an overarching explanation, but I do think that in the same way puberty is harder on girls than boys (your body becomes more difficult to manage and you become less capable of defending yourself simultaneously with becoming a constant object of male attention vs you become taller, stronger, and less vulnerable) that the transition to adulthood is harder/more difficult for boys than girls.
Twitter is nanobots in your brain turning you into the rabid caged chimp from 28 Days Later.
Well done terminating the nanobots. Eventually they would eat your brain and pour out into the world looking for new victims.
Yes you owe the algorithm absolutely nothing. The algorithm exists to trigger you. That is its prime directive, and it is constantly optimising for that. You have no obligation to put your head in a predator’s jaws, or let parasites into your body. None.
Good for you.
Holly this is going to be nurturing for your mental health. I think all of us need to move way from this short form blitz into long form, into more contemplative and thoughtful writing. And, absolutely, to go out into the real world. It’s what we all need to do. It’s going to be great for you.
Yay! Holly, you’ve done something life-affirming and wise. “I am allowed to recognize what is toxic — and step away.” This is the path to balance, contentment, and a pleasurable life. Replace something that isn’t serving you well with something that is. Read history instead of Twitter - it will give you endless issues to ponder and wisdom to acquire. And you know what else? It actually works really well to allow yourself to do FUN things. If you love constructing Legos, but it’s a guilty pleasure, do it anyway. If it sparks a sense of anticipation to get up on a Saturday morning and put together Legos for two hours, do it! You are feeding your creativity and joy, and that is the pathway to a happy life!
Brava! Brava! Congratulations! 🎊🎈
I want to permanently leave Facebook and YouTube, and stop reading Notes here on Substack. I’m not ready to leave yet; however, your series really opened my eyes. I can’t unsee. (I thank the gods I never really got involved with Twitter.)
I look forward to reading your new subjects. The Federalist Papers are rewarding, as well as Madison’s notes on the debates surrounding the formation of our Constitution. I dipped into these during the semester I took a US History class at a community college in my 50s.
Warm wishes for your recovery. 😃🥰
Congratulations on deleting Twitter. I’m happy for you. You deserve peace and freedom.
Holly, the first thought that came to mind was “It’s working,” in reference to the prayers that have been sent up for you. Not specific, but general, for your best to be done. I will continue in that same way: for your best.
That Vermont project sounds interesting; I have been to Vermont twice, once driving through, and previously spending a couple of days in Bennington. You might want to check out the WWII vehicles museum, if it’s still there. It has been a while (2013) since I visited.
I look forward to what the “new and improved” Holly comes up with next.
Last night, I bought a sketchbook to do a sketch from each place. I will see if this museum is still there -- thanks!
I'm glad that you're disengaging from the "condemnation/self-justification" discourse that seems to have metastasized from politicians, "news" media and activists to most people on social media. Like you said, it's addicting, and it sells! It is liberating to see through the surface triggers to the underlying compulsions driving the whole phenomenon. Liberating but also isolating, especially if social media is one's main arena of engagement. Social media requires blurbs of expression and those so often beg for more nuance to be interjected. Yet, the myopia so evident in the expressions tells you that the person posting it has made a choice to see things the way they want to see them and are not going to respond kindly to someone offering nuance. That's just challenging the legitimacy of what they have given themselves to. Maintain your in-person relationships!
I have started reading presidential biographies as well. After I read Hamilton by Ron Cernow, (I know he wasn't a president), I read John Adams. Then one titled "The Scourge of War" about General Sherman and the civil war. Then I decided to start at the beginning. It's been interesting. One take away already is that we are not that much nastier in politics now than in the 1770's. It is just easier to find the nastiness. I just watched a series on Fox Nation where they had a short (20-45 mins.), overview of all the presidents. It was fascinating to see what each entered office having to deal with. Enjoy. I am halfway through Washington by Ron Cernow, and I'm wondering how in the world we are going to win this war!? Thanks for writing. You are so good at what you do.
Awesome. I can't wait to see what you come up with.
I'm so happy for you. I know the feeling of "it doesn't matter what happens to you" and, for what it's worth, I think walking away from Twitter (or any person or environment that reminds you of that cruelty) is strength.
I am looking forward to reading your history essays. You may not be looking for recommendations, but just in case - "His Excellency" by Joseph Ellis is a great George Washington biography.
I stepped back from social media (and news) more the past few weeks and when I popped into Notes I saw people outraged about things that I had not seen and knew none of the context and I learned that you have to actually do research to figure out why people are upset or risk them getting upset with you if you tried to respond without context.
I had absolutely no desire to check into the news to see why they were so upset so I just logged out again. It just made me realize how that sort of thing (social media discourse) requires you to stay on the platform or tuned into the news to learn more so you know what the current topic is.
That can be exhausting.
It's not right for people to do that to themselves. It's much better to step away and focus on their personal (in the "real world" lives).
When COVID was going on, and they kept talking about the "new normal" I kept thinking, "I'm not getting accustomed to this!" People are doing shitty things and I want nothing to do with it. So it was weird, and kept me unique, but I would not become like others and pretend staying inside and away from people was okay.
Yes, this is a matter of self-love, enforcing a boundary, realizing that you want something better for yourself, and will not become accustomed to toxicity. That's a sign of growth in my book.