The Things I Am Never Going to Know
“…as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.” —Donald Rumsfeld
There are things I am never going to know, and most of them relate to what a sane person would do. Or, more precisely, how a sane person would feel. (Using “sane” here as a shorthand for “had normal-range developmental experiences and as a result has a normal-range frame of reference.”)
The story I’m about to tell is minor in the grand scheme. It wasn’t passing a kidney stone. It wasn’t having a rent check double debited from my bank account. It wasn’t even waking up at 1am, unable to go back to sleep, and knowing that the rest of the day is consequently doomed.
It’s a mild disappointment, and I could reverse it by telling a lie.
This is one of those moments when I think that I understand what a sane person would do, and how a sane person would feel.
A sane person would be angry. I’m frustrated and sad.
A sane person would tell the lie and move on. I will move on in a day or two, but I’m not going to tell the lie.
So, what happened?