Theory of Mind, Squared
a creative writing edition (#10)
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Context: Recently I had an experience with someone that was strongly reminiscent of childhood experiences of dealing with my mother. It got me thinking about theory of mind and wondering what other people’s theory of mind was like. Exploring my own theory of mind about other people’s theory of mind, hence the title.
Dedicate Your Baby to Our God
The church I grew up in practiced “baby dedications.” Parents of a newborn child would come up before the church with their baby. The pastors, elders, and often the pastors’ wives would formally welcome the new baby to our congregation, and then they would pray over the family and the new baby. Nearly always—well, always in my memory, though I don’t rule out the possibility that I may have forgotten something—this would involve a prophecy being spoken over the child.
Our church believed in the “gifts of the Spirit,” according to 1 Corinthians 12. Among these are prophecy, which is what it sounds like: they believed that they were given a narrative by God, to tell what the child and his/her life would be like. These were spoken in the first person, as if channeling God. A pastor or elder might put his hand on the baby’s forehead, raise his other hand, close his eyes, and say something like:
“I am the Lord your God, and I say unto you all this day, truly I have placed a call on the life of this child. He will become a mighty minister of My gospel, and it is your calling as My church to prepare him….”
As nearly all children in our church also went to the school, these prophecies were a big deal. They shaped how adults would interact with the child, and thus became self-fulfilling to some extent. If a baby is foretold to “struggle to experience God’s presence” and that he would need “firm guidance to stay on the path,” does that child get more or less leeway if he’s misbehaving during a chapel service? If you think he’s whispering to a friend and he insists he’s praying—do you believe him? Likewise, if a child is prophesied to have a “call on his life,” do you let him make normal childhood mistakes? Or do you, believing him destined for clergy, hold him to an unfairly high standard?
One of these dedications, of the last child (a baby of the “what? It’s not menopause?!?” variety) born to a family who were pillars of our church, gave me one of my best examples of what it looks like when someone, in this case my mother, lacks theory of mind.
The girl had been born when I was 12 or 13. I had babysat her a few times, but presumably I was working in the church nursery or otherwise occupied when she was dedicated. Possibly I was in attendance but have simply forgotten it entirely.
How would her prophecy become important, years later?